


BlindSpot

by FREAKYPUMPKIN



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec being difficult, Alternate Universe, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Family Loss, M/M, Magnus isn't having any of his shit, Orphanage, Slow burn i guess?, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-08 13:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6857308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FREAKYPUMPKIN/pseuds/FREAKYPUMPKIN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus has lived there since he'd been nine years old, and now one year before he has to leave the Institute, a new kid comes along. Alec Lightwood hates orphanages, hates foster families. He just wants to be left alone with his anger at the world. Two worlds clash like thunder and lightning and both guys are in for an interesting year.</p><p>Based of the prompt 'Thunder' from my First Meeting Collection 'Heroes and Thieves'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When thunder broke the sky, you crashed into my life

When Magnus heard the first crash, he thought it was the sound of thunder and that the storm they had predicted for this morning already was finally there to cool down the sticky weather of the past weeks. But then he realized that someone was yelling as well and that the following crashes each filled the pauses between those outbursts. 

“Guess there’s a new kid in the house”, Magnus muttered to himself. 

It wasn’t unusual for children, no matter the age, to have problems acclimating when they first got to the orphanage. For Magnus it had been the most difficult thing to accept it as his new home more than a temporary place to stay. He had gotten there at the age of nine. The people who had brought him had spent the whole trip telling him about how others would come to take him home because somewhere out there was a family that was just waiting for him, that would treat him better than his stepfather had after his mother had died. First Magnus had believed and hoped, but as time had gone by, he’d realized that nobody would come for him. But then he thought, as he got to know the other children and the advisors, maybe there wasn’t the need for anybody coming to get him, maybe this was already the new family … they definitely cared more for him than his stepdad had ever done. It wasn’t very hard considering that the guy had tried to drown him, but Magnus still appreciated the place he had at the orphanage.

“Magnus?”, a soft voice sounded from the right. Magnus turned his head to see a young girl with brown hair and those big, intelligent eyes. She had a book clutched to her chest and looked at him apologetically, but Magnus only smiled.

“Hey, Tessa, what’s up?”

The girl cleared her throat and straightened her back. “I am here to deliver a message from our beloved fairy of the infirmary-” Something on the second floor hit the wall again, followed by more yelling that seemed to turn more and more into a simple string of every swear word ever. “- that you shall rise and get ‘whatever idiot is failing at civilized communication to shut the fuck up’.”

Magnus grinned and Tessa copied the expression. “Okay, my friend, tell Cat that I will take care of it”, he eventually said. Tessa saluted and turned around to get back to wherever Catarina was working this afternoon. Saying that the orphanage had an infirmary was saying a bit much, but with Catarina they at least had the most dedicated nurse they could have hoped for and wherever somebody got hurt there was the infirmary. It was actually just Catarina and a suitcase with the most needed stuff, but the children had the highest respect for her. 

Magnus swung his legs over the edge of his bed, threw on one of the oversized shirts he usually slept in and made his way to the second floor trusting that the sound of the ruckus would lead him to said 'idiot’. 

On the second floor were the single rooms for those who needed personal space more than others and also where the more difficult children were placed so they wouldn’t cause an uproar among the others. When Magnus reached the top of the stairs he was greeted by the sound of a door being slammed hard enough that he could hear the wood of the doorframe splintering. He turned right and found two of the advisors standing in front of a door with several objects strewn across the floor. They were all parts of the basic equipment for every one of the single rooms. Metal pots, some shards that probably had been two vases once, a chair which was now missing a leg.

And from inside that one room came another string of curses. “Get lost! Leave me the fuck alone! I’ll sue you for keeping me here! I’ll screw you all over so bad that you beg me to go! I don’t fucking need you! You think you’re so good, but you are just as bad as the fucking rest!”

Magnus raised his eyebrows as he got closer. One of the advisors noticed him and his expression brightened visibly. 

“Hey, Magnus”, he said. “Did you come to try talking to him?”

Magnus gave the middle-aged man a little wave with his right hand. “Hey, Mr. Starkweather. Yeah, Cat asked me to 'work my magic’.” At that he wiggled his fingers like those wizards did in children’s cartoons. Hodge Starkweather nodded, a thankful smile on his lips. The other advisor was a younger woman with flaming red hair that was caught in a messy bun at the back of her head. Magnus looked at her. “What’s the deal with him, Mrs. Fray?”

Jocelyn sighed and shrugged. “We don’t really know, he-” She motioned to the door that got hit with something heavy followed by a new string of curses. “- ran away from every foster family and kicked out of one of the orphanages in the city … I guess they thought the country air here might help.”

“He got kicked out?”, Magnus exclaimed as he’d never heard of a case that bad that not even the orphanage could handle somebody anymore.

“FUCKING YES! AND I’LL PUT ON MY FUCKING RESUMÉ AS FUCKING SPECIAL SKILL!”, sounded suddenly the voice from behind the door, ripping through the silence like thunder breaking the sky. Afterwards it was silent again and Magnus could almost feel the raging heartbeat on the other side of the door. He could picture the other guy standing behind the door with his hands pressed against he doorframe, panting hard from all the throwing stuff and cursing.

Magnus huffed. “Nothing you should be too proud of, kid”, he sneered ta the door. He couldn’t stand people who thought of negative character traits as something they could show off with, the whole bad boy charm had never been something to work on Magnus in general. 

From the other side of the door though came a humorless chuckle. “Didn’t say I’m proud of it … it’s simply the only thing I will ever be exceptionally good at.”

“Oh, look”, Magnus muttered darkly, “it can form curse-free sentences.”

“BITE ME!”

“Aaaaaand we’re back.” Magnus sighed, but nodded at the two advisors. After that Hodge hurried off to look after the other children while Jocelyn only stepped aside a bit so she wouldn’t be directly visible from the door anymore. Magnus took a deep breath am knocked to show good faith and good manners because if somebody spits in your face doesn’t mean that you have to greet them the same way. 

“Fuck off!”, came the expected yell, but Magnus only pursed his lips.

It wasn’t his first encounter with a difficult youth. As the person who had been at this orphanage the longest time out of all the children, he had become a kind of counselor when the advisors couldn’t get through to a new kid. Sometimes it was just easier to talk to someone your own age than an adult, no matter how kindhearted said adult was. 

Magnus himself had had Catarina in the beginning and no matter how rough she might seem on the outside, she still knew how and when to be kind. 

“I’m going to pick the lock if you don’t open up”, Magnus stated glaring at the closed door. “There’s no way I’m going to leave you to soak in your hatred against the world. It’s bad for your digestive system.”

“God, you’re annoying and I’ve only known you for about five minutes. Must be a new record”, came the growled answer through the solid wood. Magnus grinned and stepped closer to the door when he heard the key being turned. 

“Well, it’s one of my special skills and I already have it listed on my-”

The door swung open and Magnus’ train of thought completely derailed, crashed and burned. In the doorframe there stood one hell of an attractive guy. Black hair, piercing blue eyes that tried to kill him from afar. Maybe his skin was a bit too pale to be healthy and his hair was in need of a haircut … or just a brush. His clothes were ripped and torn and way too big. His feet were bare and there was dirt under his toe nails, it had obviously been a while since he’d last worn shoes or even socks. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest and carried himself with that kind of stubborn arrogance that was both endearing and seriously annoying. 

When Magnus eyes reached the other’s blue ones again he was confronted with a dismissive eye roll.

“Stop drooling”, he hissed and Magnus felt his resolve to not hit the guy slowly crumbling. But on the other hand there was that big tear at the collar of the black shirt that caused said collar to slip from the right shoulder and Magnus found that he could spend a whole day just watching this guy trying to pull the shirt back up after it slipped down again.

“I’m not drooling”, Magnus growled, “and just for your interest, your good looks count nothing with that awful personality of yours.”

The black-haired youth snorted. “Well, you being pretty doesn’t help to forget the fact that you are terribly annoying either.”

Magnus’ eyebrows shot up and he wondered if this statement had been intended or if it had been a slip up. “Awww, sweetheart, so you think I’m nice to look at, too?”, he teased because he figured that he wouldn’t get anywhere talking nice with this guy. Blue eyes went wide, only to be narrowed into glaring slits right afterwards again. Yeah, totally a slip up, but hey, the new kid had a hidden cute side.

“I hate you.”

Magnus grinned because the anger in the other’s voice was less forceful now than it had been before. “Yeah, I’m not your biggest fan either, Mr … What’s your name again?”

“I don’t have to tell you any-”

“Lightwood”, Jocelyn whispered from her place next to the door, “it’s Alexander Lightwood.”

Magnus grin grew even wider while Alexander aggressively pouted. “I hate both of you”, he hissed and Magnus nodded. 

“Don’t worry, you made that very clear.” Outside the house the rumbling of real thunder could be heard and the first raindrops began hitting the windows. “But for now we are your only option, so act your age instead of throwing things against walls and curses at everything that moves. Also with a behavior like that and your record, the chance of somebody adopting you-”

Alexander’s whole demeanor changed within a heartbeat when the word 'adopting’ passed Magnus’ lips just like the first shot of lightning set the dark grey clouds aflame outside at right this moment. 

“I don’t want to get fucking adopted!”, he screamed uncrossing his arms and clenching his fists at his sides, the slipping shirt collar completely forgotten. “I had this shit often enough already and it’s always fucking the same. First they are like 'Yay, we have a child, we’ll give him the chance of a better life’, but the moment you come out to them they are like 'What do you mean, you are gay? You don’t look gay’ as if they ordered a fucking fridge and are now upset because the food displayed in the brochure isn’t included! So pardon me if I don’t give a fuck anymore, okay? I can survive on my own, did it long enough before they found me again and stuck me into that shitty place where the staff couldn’t their fucking hands to themselves and then complain when I break a nose or two.”

Another roaring thunder passed over the roof of the house and the rain grew stronger with every second. Alexander’s chest was heaving with taking deep breaths and for some reason the sound of his anger and frustration overpowered even the thunder in some way.

“Okay”, Magnus held up his hands defensively. Alexander’s eyes followed his every move, fury still burning bright within them. “How about we make a deal then? I’m not going to mention the A-word again and you’ll stop trowing stuff at walls and no more yelling at people who don’t deserve it.”

Alexander thoughtfully chewed on his bottom lip while Magnus tried to concentrate on anything but those lips. Eventually Alexander nodded slowly and Magnus let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He held out his hand hoping that the other wouldn’t change his mind again after all. 

“Well then, my name’s Magnus.”

Alexander eyed him skeptically before he cautiously stepped closer and tuck Magnus’ hand. His were warm and a bit clammy, probably from clenching them into fists so often.

“I’m Alec.”

“Alec?”

“Yes, I prefer the short version of the name over the actual name.”

“Awww, but Alexander is much more-”

“I throw stuff at people who call me by my full name on purpose.”

Magnus nodded with pursed lips. 

And it was like hearing the thunder and waiting for the lightning to strike you down while you can already feel the heavy rain hitting your skin mixed with cold, piercing wind. You long to hear the sound of the thunder again and again because it sounds like the sky is breaking in thousand little pieces, it’s the sound of something new coming your way.

“Well, then let’s get you a bath, so you look presentable for dinner”, Magnus announced cheerfully and pulled Alec close to him, hooking an arm around his waist and dragged him out of the room. Alec’s shock lasted for about three steps before he gained back the control over his body and voice.

“The fuck? Are you kidding me? Hey! Let me fucking go-” A high squeal carried through the hallway when they took the first staircase. “I swear, if you touch my hair, I’ll hurt you!”

The growling thunder filled the sky above their heads almost as if it was laughing about the things that were about to come.


	2. Your eyes are like clouds filled with rain and lightning

Alec liked thunder, but hated lightning at the same time. 

Thunder was the big ball of anger in his chest that dully pounded against his rips, drowning out his heartbeats. Lightning was the unforeseen slap of his father, the flashing pain from that time he got stabbed in an alley behind the supermarket. It had been christmas and it had been the first time Alec had to celebrate it on his own. 

As a child he had loved thunderstorms, was fascinated by the way the dark clouds crowed in the sky, the steady rhythm of the rain beating against the window of his bedroom and the lightning that had set the clouds on fire for mere seconds, like the flash of a camera catching a moment in life. Now he despised the way the dark grey sky got torn apart by light for mere seconds, unforeseen because the light was blindingly bright, it always startled Alec, made him wince because it reminded him of the pain of that knife, that slap from his father when he was nine. 

Alec despised lightning, anything that flashed brightly to be honest. There didn't have to be a storm.

"Let me fucking GO!" It was on the third step of the stairs leading down to the first floor when Alec managed to get a kick at the back of Magnus' knees knocking him down. Unfortunately for Alec though Magnus didn't loosen the grip he had around Alec's waist, so they tumbled down together to the middle of the staircase where there was a little platform barely giving enough space for their tall bodies. They landed awkwardly on top of each other, their limbs entangled and not at all like these many romance comedies suggested, with their faces so close to each other that it would be easy to kiss. Alec hit his head at some point, bruised his knees and Magnus' hand painfully pressed against his right hipbone. Damn, that kid was skinny. 

Alec groaned trying to find out where right and left, up and down were. Not that easy. The back of his head was pounding, colors were swimming in front of his eyes before they deemed it possible to sharpen into clear outlines of the ceiling of this wreck of a staircase again. There were hectic steps heard from above and a scared woman's voice.

"Oh my god, are you two okay? Did you break anything?"

A heavy huff against his temple jolted Alec out of his trance and reminded him again of the presence of that despicable second person that should have fallen on their own. "Still alive, Mrs. Fray," came Magnus' reply from somewhere behind Alec.

'Speak for yourself', he thought bitterly. 

There was a sharp movement relieving Alec's hipbone of the pressure of that seriously skin wrist and then there was a flash of green that made the scar on Alec's left shoulder sting. Just for a second. 

"What the FUCK is wrong with you?", Magnus hissed as he stared down at Alec. Their legs where still a mess and would have probably been knotted within each other if that had been biologically possible. Magnus' right hand was placed against the step Alec's left shoulder was still pressed against, his long fingers kind of caught in Alec's armpit. His other arm was caught under Alec's upper body. It would have been easy for Magnus to kiss Alec on the forehead, to get back to the thought of that romance cliché thing, but really, Alec had to say that this was the most uncomfortable position he'd ever been in. And how did these people in movies manage to fall on top of each other without crushing each other. The idea that this was possible without all the movie magic was just plain bullshit. 

"Get the fuck off of me," Alec grounded out as he tried to free his legs, but all he got was a head bump which made him turn his head in indignation towards Magnus, but as they were still so close it ended in another head bump, this time Magnus' nose got hit which earned Alec another groan. "What the fuck man?" 

Magnus forcefully pulling out his hand from underneath Alec's arm, hitting his nose in the go.

"I could ask you the same thing, you know? Why the hell did you do that?"

"I asked first," Alec growled, now pulling his legs out from in between Magnus' not giving a damn that he kicked him in the shin of whatever leg that was. 

"That wasn't a real question." Magnus shoved Alec off of him, but with the same motion made him kiss the stairs they'd just fallen down which led to a blindly swung backhand because Alec was pretty sure that he'd gotten a splinter in his cheek from that. He could taste the rotten wood on his tongue and he hated it. 

"Of course it was," he muttered as he carefully moved to sit up. "What the hell IS wrong with you that you have this need to drag me down the stairs ... or apparently the need for people doing what you want - hit your head when you were younger and nobody noticed the damage?" Alec knew he was being spiteful, but he didn't care. He didn't care about the fact that he was actually at fault of their fall. The elbow hit to his side though, he cared about that. Alec winced and sharply turned around to glare at Magnus. What was it wit this guy and his tendency to physical assault?

"If you tell me why you're such a whiny asshole, maybe I'll think about your question." Magnus glared at him just the way Alec did at him. "But as I don't think you're mature enough yet to find the answer to that question, I'll let you in on a little secret." Magnus moved to kneel and then get up, though he put one foot down on a step that was a few below the little platform they'd oh so gracefully landed on, and this way he could still stare down Alec without really looking down at him. For some reason that aggravated Alec even more. He clenched his jaw, fighting down all the curses he wanted to throw at that annoying bastard and-

"You stink." 

Alec blinked. "What?" Magnus smirked and he wanted to hit him again. He leaned down a bit and this time it would have been easy to really kiss him, but in this position it was also very easy to comfortably strangling that guy. 

"You stink, you need a shower, same goes for new clothes and damn it, at least a pair of socks and I'm pretty sure that had I asked nicely you wouldn't have left that room."

For a few moments Alec glared at him. Sadly his plan of letting Magnus drop dead by the pure power of his will didn't work, so he crossed his arms in front of his chest to look as dignified as possible in the current situation, trying hard not to wince. He might have pulled a muscle in his shoulder during the fall.   
"You don't know that," he hissed. "But now I definitely won't do anything you say ... even if you do ask me nicely."

Magnus leaned a bit closer, a mischievous gleam in his green eyes. Eyes shouldn't be of a color that bright. "So, you are actually telling me that you'd rather walk around in your own filth, freezing because your shirt is full of holes and you've lost your socks somewhere, than take a nice, long, hot shower and get some warm, clean and - most importantly - intact clothes ... just because your ego is big enough that you actually have to leave it outside whenever entering a room otherwise it would smother anybody present?"

He had some good points. Alec hated it that Magnus made sense. His fingernails dug into the indeed holey fabric of his shirt. He was cold, he almost drooled at the mere thought of even a warm shower.

"I hate you."

Magnus sighed heavily and crouched down on the step he'd been standing on, his shins pressing against the edge of the little platform Alec was still half sitting, half laying on. "Okay, listen," he said with a much calmer voice. He almost sounded nice. "I guess, we started off on the wrong foot-"

"We?" Alec arched an eyebrow, but Magnus only glared at him temporarily. 

"Well, I wasn't the one with the curses and the insistent need to throw stuff at people."

"I had my reasons."

"Whatever. The thing is ..." And here Magnus actually looked a bit uncertain, biting his lower lip glancing to the side and avoiding eye contact. "I knew you needed a bath, but I was afraid that after that handshake you might retreat into your hideout of curses and flying objects ... that I wouldn't get you out of that room otherwise, so I went with a decision that might have been a bit impulsive-"

The disbelieving snort from Alec went ignored. 

"- and now I guess, I want to apologize for ... kind of jumping you with this."

The one raised eyebrow was joined by the other one when Alec looked at Magnus expectantly and maybe a bit of a teasing smirk. "So, you think it would be okay to jump me in another way?"

Magnus pursed his lips and stood back up again . "Don't get cocky, Lightworm. And now get and come with me because I might be sorry for my actions, but that doesn't erase my intention. I'm not going to let you have dinner as long as you look like that."

"Lightworm?", Alec ask incredulously as he awkwardly got to his feet, leaning against the wall for support when the world became blurry in front of his eyes. He made a silent note not to move his head too much in the near future. 

"Yes, Lightworm," Magnus said as he turned around and started down the rest of the stairs. Alec noticed that he had one arm held against his chest and that there was a slight limp in his steps. It a bit of a guilty conscience sting in the back of Alec's mind, but he would rather die than to admit this. Why should he care about anybody here anyway? He had been brought here against his will, pulled out of that room he'd been given, against his will. Since arriving at this godforsaken orphanage the only thing he'd done because he wanted to, was throwing thee things at the people that had forced themselves into his life. He needed to find a way out of this hellhole as soon as possible, to get back to Jace, to get back to ... whatever his life had been for the past few weeks. But on the other hand Magnus was right, too. His last bath had been a few days ago and some clean clothes without the holes would be nice indeed. 

Alec cautiously sniffed at the shirt he was wearing and made a face. It wasn't that bad, but it didn't really smell like spring flowers either. 

"Yeah, or would you prefer Lightweasel better?" Magnus' voice suddenly jolted Alec from his thoughts and he realized that he had reached the end of the stairs.   
Magnus was standing in front of him, with his feet on the floor of the first floor while Alec had stopped on the last step. The surprise wore off and Alec glared at the other orphan. 

"Fuck off", he hissed and shouldered his way past Magnus taking a few steps into the hallway the staircase led to. He looked for something that would indicate where to go to find the bathroom, but there wasn't anything. Behind him he could hear Magnus' annoyingly cheery voice. 

"I'll keep at it."

Alec growled, but Magnus didn't care. He had the feeling that this was how their interactions would go in the future. Good thing he didn't intend on staying too long.   
The bathroom was bigger than expected, but then again, if this was the only shower - which actually seemed more like a bathtub with a shower nozzle - in the whole house, the seize of the room made sense. It was simple as one would expect, blank white tiles covering the wall to a certain height, two light blue rugs, one in front of the bathtub, the other in front of the toilet. Alec suspected that they had been dark blue once. Another thing that added color to the cold interior was the shower curtain. It was white, too, but had countless little, yellow rubber ducks printed on it, some were wearing cowboy hats, others were smoking little cartoon pipes. 

Suddenly Alec wanted to show Jace this room, though then he killed off that thought with a quick shaking of his head. 

"Okay, clothes off, grumpy boy."

"WHAT?" 

"Well, I don't suppose you want to jump in with your clothes on, right?", Magnus explained as he pulled back the shower curtain revealing a simple, but well-kept bathtub. It was one of those with little golden feet, though these looked more bronze than gold and at some places the color had flaked off. The shower nozzle had been probably added later on and the bathtub had simply been pushed against the wall. "Although I guess it wouldn't harm them to get some water on them. But today -" He leaned over the bathtub and only maybe Alec let his eyes linger for a moment too long. He didn't like this guy, but that didn't mean he was blind. "- it is all about you getting clean."

A soft buzzing filled the room when water started pouring from the nozzle hitting the smooth, cold surface of the bathtub. Magnus turned back around and looked pointedly at Alec's still clothed figure. 

"What? No!" Heat rose to Alec's cheeks and he knew that he probably looked like a christmas tree ball. "I'm not taking my clothes off with you still being in here. You can go now, I'll manage to get that shower done without you drooling over me." He tried to save his cool and arrogant exterior with the last remark, but he had the nagging fear that with his still full-blown blush he didn't look as intimidating as he'd liked to. Maybe the amused smirk on Magnus' face was also an indication. This day sucked. Big time!

"Yeah, no." Magnus moved his weight on one foot, jutting out his left hip which made him look like the stubborn teenage girl from those low-budget teen movies that the main character was supposed to hate. Alec decided that he didn't find that endearing, not one bit. "You might not have noticed it yet, but with your track record of getting away, I'm not going to leave you alone in a room with a window for now." 

Alec's eyes automatically went to the little window in the wall above the toilet. It wasn't barred, good to know. "You really think I'd try my luck with that storm still going on outside. That would be like the epitome of stupid," Alec huffed, but Magnus only nodded in agreement.

"Exactly the reason I'm concerned."

Again, he didn't give a damn about Alec's death glare. And again, there was this heavy sigh which Alec began to learn would always lead to a heartfelt statement. 

"Listen ... Alec, I -", Magnus started, but Alec had had enough of listening for the day. He hated that way of talking because it was the same way his former foster parents had tried to talk him out of being gay or wearing black or pretty much everything they didn't approve of. It was the verbal version of looking down on him. Alec locked eyes with Magnus. He let the calm anger wash over him, seep through his skin, possess his bones. The thunder above them was his battle cry. He wasn't afraid. He would never let another person look down on him. Anybody who tried was below him. 

Without a word Alec pulled his shirt over his head. He ignored the sting when he raised his arm a little to high a little to fast. That was something he could worry about later. Letting it drop on the ground he moved forward, two steps was all it took to stand almost toe to toe with Magnus. Green eyes were filled with confusion. Alec didn't care. He was calm, he wore an armor that nobody could get through, not with looks, not with hits, not with caressing touches. This armor would always be there. Not even lightning. 

Alec's eyes never left Magnus' as he reached to the front of his pants, unbuttoned them and took them off. as well. The confusion in the other's eyes calmed down, became curious, an innocent bystander. 

"I'm not afraid," Alec whispered and Magnus stayed silent. "I'm not an idiot either." Lightning struck the sky above the orphanage and the winced, but it was barely there, only the fraction of a heartbeat. The scar on his shoulder stung. It was gone as soon as the lightning died down again, grew back into the grey darkness of the storm. But Magnus had seen. Those green eyes had found Alec, behind the mask beneath the armor. But nonetheless Alec didn't back down. Maybe it was forgotten again the next morning. 

"Don't look down on me." It wasn't a plea. He wasn't begging. Alec had begged once, it hadn't helped. He wouldn't do it again. "Or I will hurt you." It was a threat, clear and easy to understand. 

"Okay." 

The bathtub was half full by now. The sound of the falling drops from the nozzle became duller, not the high pitched sound from hitting the bare tub anymore. Like a lullaby, slowly lulling the silence around them to sleep. Magnus stepped aside, silently pointing at the bathtub. Alec got rid of his boxers and carefully climbed inside. Behind him he could hear Magnus rummaging. There had been a little cupboard under the sink, right? Alec didn't want to care and yet he did. How cruel this world was after all. 

The warm water was a drug to Alec's frozen muscles as he slowly lowered himself into the water. His shoulder stung again and he took his arms away from the edge letting them submerge into the clear water as well. He would have to find something to put on the pulled muscle. He could feel the bruise on his head forming clearly and decided not to lean his head back against the edge of the bathtub. But for a moment, only a short one, he allowed himself to close his eyes. It seemed ages away that he had actually allowed himself to be relaxed. He remembered the scars scattered across his pale skin, some fresh, some old, some almost forgotten, some filled with angry memories. Magnus would see them, might have already noticed them. Alec didn't care. He probably would later that night or tomorrow, but not right now. The water lazily swashed against the his neck, his knees because he was too tall and the bathtub wasn't big enough. 

Alec only opened his eyes again when Magnus came back and sat down next to the bathtub after turning the water off. He had a little bag with him. A first aid kid? Maybe something close to that. Their eyes were at the same height, their faces closer than expected when Magnus finally looked up. 

"Do you have any other injuries apart from the bruises you got from sending us both flying down the stairs?", Magnus asked, his voice was distant, his eyes still close and bright. Like green lightning. 

"It could be that I sprained my ankle when I tried to kick the door, but nothing else." Alec's answer was just as calm and distant. There was no personal note here, it was an exchange of facts. Nothing else. There was no place for anger, gentleness or banter. Honesty, cruel and bare of all masks. Another clap of thunder rocked the clouds above. Lightning followed, but Alec didn't wince this time. He was tired.

"Okay." Magnus nodded. "Then what about those from the fall?"

The remaining knocking of the rain agains the walls, the windows the doorframe of the entrance felt like silence, but wasn't a real one. 

"I hit my head, probably pulled a muscle in my shoulder, maybe a splinter ..." Alec's voice trailed off as he absent-mindedly raised his right hand out of the water looking at the side of his index finger. Now that the dirt and everything had come off for the most part, there was a thin dark line visible just beneath his skin. Wordlessly Alec turned around a bit in the bathtub to hold his hand closer to Magnus who cautiously took it in his own. 

Alec could feel slight bruises from the fall and he wondered if Magnus had hit his head as well, pulled a muscle. Jace would be talking his ears off in this kind of situation while expertly handling the needle that pricked Alec's skin, but didn't get deeper than necessary. Jace would have gotten a headband to tame his blond locks that had gotten longer, maybe too long, but they hadn't had the money to get a haircut. Alec's hair was growing too long as well. Magnus was silent, concentrated on his work, only interested in getting out the splinter, not in talking, not in Alec. 

When the splinter was out, Magnus put away the needle, but didn't yet let go of Alec's hand. He turned it around, looking for other splinters probably. There weren't any. Alec found that interesting and didn't know why. In the end Magnus slowly let Alec's fingers slide out of his grip, still not looking up. But when he did it was a flash of green and once again Alec felt that stab in his shoulder, that knife wound from so long ago. He'd stopped counting the days. Magnus' eyes though only stayed on Alec's face for a short while, then they feel down to his pale arms where the scars could be seen in the dim light of the single lightbulb on the ceiling. 

"Give me your other hand."

Alec did. No splinter there. Again the slow release of Alec's fingers from Magnus' grip. 

-+-

Alec's calm behavior broke the moment Magnus reached out to brush a strand of black hair out of his forehead. "Can you manage to wash your hair on your own or-" It was meant as light teasing, but with the simple movement of Magnus' hand everything in Alec's demeanor changed. His eyes snapped up at Magnus' hand, his own shot out within the blink of an eye to grab Magnus' wrist and the tension was back in the line of Alec's shoulders, in the grim line of his lips. 

"I told you, I'll kill you if you touch my hair like that again," Alec hissed. "And I meant that, Sparkles."

Magnus went very still for a moment, watching the boy in front of him, watching the scars covering his skin, that followed an order he had yet to figure out. Alec was like a collection of broken shards of glass on a wind chimes, slowly dancing in the sunlight. Depending on how the light would strike the glass, a different facet of Alec became visible and it could happen anytime, very fast or not at all. 

It seemed like Alec wasn't one of these people that you had to know for a long time for them to open up. Alec wasn't afraid of people knowing him, of slamming bits and pieces of his personal life, of himself in their faces. He wasn't afraid. He was angry. He didn't fear, he hated. And he knew he could hurt people with that anger. 

The closer they were, the easier he could reach their skin, their bones.

Alec was broken glass drenched in angry tears that desperately clung to the edges. 

He would hurt the other children at this orphanage if Magnus didn't pay attention. 

"Sparkles?" Magnus chuckled with disbelief. "That's the best you can come up with?" There wasn't even much sparkling about him apart from the neon colored rings in his ear. 

"Yes." Alec's reply was still cold and distant. He had yet to release Magnus' wrist, too. "You're eyes remind me of lightning. Therefore 'Sparkles'."

"Wow, you suck at this," Magnus noted with dry humor. Alec's grip around his wrist loosened, but he took his time to completely release it. Pale fingers slowly let go of their catch, tracing burning lines across dark skin and they went. "And I'll just take this one as a compliment, grumpster." Magnus had to fight hard not to give into the urge of rubbing the skin on his wrist. 

"You shouldn't," Alec mumbled as he he moved to put his back against the long side of the bathtub. This way it was easier for them to look at each other. Magnus only shrugged any got up from the floor. 

"I don't think you get to decide what I take as a compliment and what not." Taking the little bag which was their emergency first aid kit with the basics for little injuries or everything to hold out until Catarina arrived, Magnus walked over to the little cupboard under the sink. He put the bag away again and pulled out a bottle of shampoo. 

When he turned around though he halted in his tracks. Alec had sunk back into the water again, deep enough so the lower half of his face was beneath the surface and with a glowering look at his surroundings he absent-mindedly breathed out countless little bubbles that popped when breaking said surface. It was endearing or maybe adorable. And again Magnus found himself faced with another facet of Alexander Lightwood. 

-+-

The shampoo smelled like apples and Alec really wanted to make a fake beard with the foam, but resisted the urge with a sidelong glance at Magnus who had taken his place on the toilet and skimmed through a magazine for 'cheap cooking'. The red-haired advisor from before - Mrs. F-something? - had come by to bring some clean clothes for Alec. He had said 'Thank you.' and she had stared at him like he was a ghost.

"It's not that unusual for me to say 'thank you', you know," Alec said suddenly making Magnus look up from his magazine. He raised one eyebrow and Alec was sure he could see a little smile tugging on his lips, but he ignored it. 

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I even know how to use 'please'."

Magnus gasped and put his hand against his chest right above where his heart was beating. "Oh dear, all you hidden qualities, it's shocking how less one expects from you even though you are such a charming young man."

Once again Magnus couldn't have cared less about Alec's death glare. He only chuckled. "Go easy on Mrs. Fray, she has a tough time with her own kids, with her son at least, as far as I know. She doesn't mean anything bad by it. She just tends to be indeed genuinely surprised when there's a delicate flower in a heap of mud after wading through so much mud herself for so long. Kids can be cruel, you know?" Magnus crossed his legs in a sophisticated manner on top of the toilet and and looked at Alec like these 'wise teachers' from teen movies. 

"Did you just call me 'a delicate flower'?"

Magnus grinned. "Would you like that?", he asked sweetly.

"Would you like you heart carved out and served on a silver tablet?", Alec replied in the same kind of sweetish tone. Magnus grin only widened and titled his head like a lady of low standing that had just received an invitation to a ball of the king and queen. 

"Oh, Lightworm, always such a flirt."

Alec was close to jumping out of the bathtub to strangle him. He didn't and he was damn proud of himself that he managed that. "Anyway, you mentioned something about dinner before?", Alec asked cautiously. Magnus sent him a look that was close to how Alec imagined the devil looking when closing a deal. 

"Yes, there's going to be dinner, but as you have not yet shone the skill to be around other people without deeply offending them or just being downright rude, I decided - and Jocelyn agreed - that you will be eating upstairs in your room." 

There was a threatening tone in this statement that Alec didn't understand. He narrowed his eyebrows in honest confusion. "So? You think I can't handle being on my own?" Not to mention, that there'd be plenty of time to figure out how to get out of the house and back to the city this way. There had to be a catch.

"I'll be with eating with you ..."

"What the?"

"... and sharing the room until further notice, so you won't get away as easily as maybe before."

"Oh, fucking hell - but I could strangle you in your sleep."

"I could draw tiny little flowers all over your face."

"I hate you."

"I know."


	3. Your heartbeat is a storm in a jar against my chest

The first night went by without any major incidents, though it was tense for Magnus throughout the night because he did expect Alec to pull some stupid stunt like climbing out of the window the moment Magnus would turn his back on him. In the end though it looked just like Alec had collapsed onto the bed and passed out from the exhaustion of the day or the days before. Magnus had no idea what had been going on before they finally got the little ball of sarcastic fluff to the orphanage. Or maybe throwing things against the wall cost just that much energy, who knew. 

Still, the next morning Alec refused to get out of bed. Magnus suspected he was simply grumpy about actually sleeping through the whole night and not using his first real chance to get out again. The rain had calmed down over the night and when Magnus left the room to get some breakfast, it was only a soft dripping against the windows. The yard of the orphanage was a muddy mess though and all the kids were forbidden from leaving the house if not absolutely necessary and not without a pair of rubber boots. Magnus simply rolled his eyes at Alec’s stubbornly turned back towards him. A surprisingly broad back or maybe he just had broad shoulders, Magnus wondered with calm interest. But in the end he didn’t care enough to dwell on it for much longer. He exchanged a quick high five with Tessa who he found reading on one of the tables in the dining room close to the doors. 

„What are you reading, princess?“, he asked while taking a quick bite from a slice of bread and taking out a tablet to transport something to eat up to the first floor. 

„A Tale of Two Cities, almost finished“, Tessa answered with shining eyes and a proud smile. Magnus chuckled hoisting up the tablet. 

„Again? Didn’t you already read that one like five times?“

„Six and now almost seven.“ Tessa clutched the book to her chest giving Magnus a lofty look. „I like this book.“

„Noticed.“ With that and one last wave Magnus left again, making his way back up the staircase. He actually expected Alec to still be there in the same position he’d left him in, brooding and maybe giving Magnus the cold shoulder. Of corse, he should be wrong. Alec wasn’t in his bed anymore. When Magnus opened the door, the other guy was already halfway across the windowsill. The moment his blue eyes found Magnus, he hurried out of the window only his fingers remaining in sight that were clinging to the windowsill for support. Hastily Magnus put down the tablet, scrambled over Alec’s bed without much elegance, but really, who gave a damn?  
Alec hissed and pulled a painful face when Magnus’ fingernails dug into the skin on his wrists, his fingers closing tight over pale skin. Blue eyes stared furiously at green ones and Magnus would have rolled his eyes again if he hadn’t been that pissed right now. „Get your ass back up here, Lightworm, or I’m going to tear you a new one“, he pressed through clenched teeth, putting his foot against the wall right beneath the window. He was aware of the the fact that he pretty much couldn’t pull Alec back up with pure willpower, but he would be damned before he gave up on at least keeping the troublemaker where he was. Even if that would leave him hanging form the window on the first floor. 

„Oh yeah? How is that supposed to work if I don’t come back up? As far as I know, you need to be closer than just holding my wrists to make true on that threat“, came Alec’s voice mocking through the open window. Magnus glared at the ceiling with a passion that he expected for a moment to actually burn a hole into the cement or wood … maybe he should ask what materials had been used to build this house? Whatever. 

„Stubborn teenagers“, he muttered, knowing full well that he himself was just one year older than the punk hanging out of the window, but really, he hadn’t been that bad when he’d been younger, right? He very much hoped so. „I can still tear the skin on your wrist and let you bleed to death“, he eventually ground out loud enough for Alec to hear. 

„Kinky. You into that kind of stuff?“, came the instant reply and Magnus got closer and closer to just letting go. And really, what if he just did? If Alec wanted to not give shit about being somewhere where people would actually come to care about him, who was he to stop that idiot? But Magnus knew exactly why and it was also the reason he was so pissed by that tendency to crude language and escapism. If kid ran away from orphanages, it fell back on the orphanages, on the advisors there. It would lead to stricter controls and maybe even the advisors being exchanged. No, he wouldn’t let Alec wreck the little world he had built here for himself. 

Even if that meant becoming paranoid whenever he didn’t see the other guy. 

„I have food!“, Magnus tried again. A warm meal was what drew people back right? It was how you caught rats and gained the sympathy of most cats. Now, what they had for breakfast wasn’t warm, but it was good quality and it would lead to a warm lunch. 

„I’m not hungry.“ 

‚Oh fucking hell!‘ Magnus hated to admit it, but his arms began to ache, a soft burn began to spread across his fingers and throughout the leg he had still pressed against the wall to keep leverage against Alec’s weight. His thoughts about possible threats and promises that could get Alec to climb up to him like some twisted Romeo and Juliet-edition, were cut short by the shocked voice of a woman he knew all too well. 

„Oh my god, no, Alec, don’t jump!“, Jocelyn shouted, her speeding heartbeat right on the tip of her tongue. „Don’t let go! Is Magnus with you?“ 

With a jolt Magnus was reminded of the reason Jocelyn reacted the way she did and he cursed in his mother tongue. Digging his nails even more forcefully into Alec’s skin he slowly leaned forward until he could look into Alec’s face which was turned down with confusion pure and open written all across his eyes. In the meantime Jocelyn tried to frantically arrange a bedsheet to be spread beneath Alec’s dangling feet. 

„Get your fucking ass back up here or I swear I’ll skin you alive in your sleep even if I have to hunt you down across the world first.“ Fortunately Alec noticed the change in atmosphere, or at least Magnus hoped so, and didn’t throw another witty comeback into his face. 

„Don’t worry, I’ll catch you!“, sounded Jocelyn’s voice from the ground beneath the window and finally it seemed to snap Alec out of whatever stupid trance he’s fallen into when Jocelyn first appeared. He hoisted himself back up onto the windowsill with some struggle because Magnus refused to et go of his wrists. Though the moment his knees hit the black stone of the windowsill, he grabbed the collar of Alec’ shirt and yanked him back into the room without much mercy and with even less elegance. They tumbled together over Alec’s bed and down to the floor, getting bruised and tangled within each other all over again. Their feet were still up on the bed and a mess of their own. One of Magnus’ arms was caught underneath Alec’s torso, the other bend at an awkward angle and Alec’s arm lay beneath Magnus’ head actually cushioning the risk of getting another headache by kissing the floor. The air was pressed out of Magnus’ lungs and when he forced it back in, he noticed that after that bath Alec had taken yesterday, he now smelled actually kind of nice. But this was merely a distant note in the back of his mind, quickly overruled by his anger and the throbbing pain in his right hip. 

„You’re such an idiot“, he breathed out eventually, not missing the way Alec shuddered when Magnus’ breath ghosted over the exposed skin of his neck. ‚Oh, don’t tell me, little Grumpy here is ticklish?‘ 

Alec groaned, his eyes pressed shut because he had been less lucky when they’d hit the floor as he had actually gotten a kiss for the hardwood panels, tumbling down face first. „Says the guy, that just dragged me down from the windowsill. Did you have a short circuit in your thought process or do you just want me on the floor so badly?“

Magnus snorted. „Don’t flatter yourself.“ He carefully tried moving his head, making sure his neck didn’t catch anything. „And believe me, if my arm wasn’t trapped under your chest right now, I would totally hit you for that comment alone.“ To underline his words he tried wriggling his arm free, but Alec put more weight on it on purpose and glaring up at Magnus in a silent challenge. „Brat“, Magnus muttered and Alec stuck out his tongue. 

„Takes one to know one-OUCH!“ Magnus grinned exhausted at his new personal troublemaker. His arm was trapped, but he could move his left foot freely enough to meet Alec’s shin. „WHAT THE HELL, MAGNUS?“ Alec pushed himself up a bit to get the yell out of his chest with more force, but at the same time he lifted the weight that had been pressing on Magnus’ arm which he now ripped free and used the moment to also swing his free leg over the other’s waist. 

Before Alec noticed what was going on, he was already roughly pulled onto his back with Magnus sitting on top of him, grabbing once again his wrist, slamming them down onto the floor right and left to Alec’s head and effectively pinning the new kid to said floor. „Oh, you remember my name“, Magnus grinned his breathing coming out in little puffs of air. „Lucky me.“

If looks could have killed, Magnus would have been deep fried at this point, but before Alec could start again with his never-ending flood of threats and profanities, they were interrupted once again by hectic steps on the staircase and then in the hallway in fron of the door which Magnus had only closed halfway. The door creaked quietly and Jocelyn’s soft voice could be heard from outside. 

„Magnus?“

„Yes, I’m in here and I got him“, Magnus answered without looking up from Alec and the raging storms brewing in those blue eyes. „Also, he didn’t want to jump, he tried to get away again, so no need to worry.“

After that Jocelyn threw the door open and kneeled down next to Alec’s head looking down at him with worried green eyes. „O my god, I am so glad, Alec. But do you really find it that bad here?“

Magnus could feel Alec going tense beneath him, his eyes flitting from Jocelyn to Magnus and back with insecurity all over his face. He silently asked for help because obviously dealing with women that were worried sick about him wasn’t something he was quite comfortable or good at. At least it looked that way. Magnus only looked down at him with raised eyebrows dead set on letting Alec experience all the consequences of his own stubbornness. But then Alec started squirming beneath him, demonstratively looking away from both of them and even temporarily pressing his eyes shut with a surprising force. „It’s not that …“, he muttered, the words like hot coals on his lips. Alec bit his lower lip hard, squirming even more. „Just go.“

Magnus narrowed his eyebrows. This wasn’t somebody just being childish. The atmosphere had changed and he could almost feel Alec’s skin growing slightly colder. 

„It’s okay, Jocelyn“, he whispered finally. „I’ll take it from here. Could you tell Tessa to get me my handcuffs?“

Jocelyn’s eyes snapped up at him, indignation overruling all the former worry. „Magnus! You promised to give them back after the last time.“ Her voice rose about an octave and Magnus was glad to have the Jocelyn back he knew and loved, not wanting her to dwell too much on what she was afraid had almost happened just a few minutes ago. 

„Handcuffs?“ It also snapped Alec back to reality which Magnus was glad about, too, … in a way, that he couldn’t quite put his finger on yet. „Why the hell do you have handcuffs and what do you need them for?“

„We all have our little secrets, sweetheart.“ Looking back at Jocelyn dropped the smirk he had given Alec and continued. „It’s just to make sure he doesn’t jump out of any more windows until he has calmed down enough and maybe even adapted to being okay with being here.“

In the end she just nodded and got up from the floor again. „But promise me to use them only when absolutely necessary and … and no sex, okay? You know the rules.“ 

„Promised!“

Beneath him Alec snorted the moment Jocelyn was out of the door. „So you are into that kind of stuff? Or why else do you have handcuffs lying around?“

„None of your business.“

„And what’s with the ‚no sex‘-rule?“

„It’s a ‚no sex‘-rule. What’s there not to understand?“

„Did you have sex yet?“

„Why do you care?“

„I’m trying to make conversation.“

„Don’t, you suck at it.“

„Oh, bite me, Magnus.“

„Nah, I don’t want to ruin my teeth.“

Alec tried halfheartedly to wriggle his hands free, but soon had to accept that with Magnus being on top of him, he didn’t really get far. 

„I hate you.“ Magnus didn’t feel like answering and just let Alec stew in his own silence. The anger speed out of his skin like water on a hot day and only left behind emotional exhaustion. He already missed the clam days before Alec had crashed into his life like a sudden streak of lightning. „Why did she freak out like that, anyway? I mean, apart from the fact that the first floor isn’t even high enough to commit suicide, I wouldn’t have clung to the windowsill like that if I had wanted to kill myself.“ 

With a heavy sigh Magnus looked down at him. He knew he had to tell Alec and maybe it would help to keep him in line, judging by how uncomfortable he had gotten with Jocelyn fussing over him like that. „We had a jumper this summer.“ The word hung heavy in the air between them. Alec swallowed heavily, his eyes suddenly calm and clear, but he didn’t interrupt Magnus, just waiting for him to say more. Magnus would have really preferred to be interrupted, but well …

„One of the kids. We knew he’d been unstable, but he had gotten much better since the beginning of the year and then suddenly … everything went to shit. Jocelyn blames herself because she had thought she’d gotten through to him, that things would be okay if he’d have time to himself and with her around to talk to.“

„Did something happen before he jumped?“, Alec’s voice was careful, soft, almost like silk. Magnus felt sadness dragging him down, being a heavy weight on his shoulders. 

„Nothing that we know of.“

Silence between them was back and maybe it had never left. „I’m sorry.“

„Not your fault.“ Magnus stared with dull eyes at a point on the floor right next to Alec’s head. The other’s hands lay still in his grip, but Magnus didn’t take the risk to loosen his fingers despite them starting to hurt again. 

„No, I mean, I’m sorry for doing it and therefore scaring … her.“

„Well, you’ll have to apologize to her if that’s supposed to be worth anything.“ Magnus turned his head again to look at Alec who was biting his lip uncomfortably.   
„And the next time at least make the flipping effort and make a rope out of bedsheets or something like that.“

Alec put his lower lip forward pouting like a five-year-old and Magnus found it weird that a little gesture like that warmed his heart so much. And how could somebody as infuriating as this guy be this adorable anyway. „If I wouldn’t have to hold you down, I would ruffle your hair right now“, he muttered and his face broke into a full-blown grin at the look of pure shock Alec gave him in response to that comment. 

-+-

Based on the name ‚Tessa‘ and judging by the soft footsteps Alec suspected the person entering the room next to be a little girl. He caught a strand of brown hair out of the corner of his eye and … a book? But then his eyes caught the silver gleam of the handcuffs and suddenly that was his only focus. He expected Magnus to do something like cuffing him to the bedpost or the heater. No matter what, Magnus would have to get up first and that moment was probably his last chance to get out. Well, not out completely because maybe staying at the orphanage for at least a bit might not be that bad. But he sure as hell wouldn’t let the walking railing with his tanned skin and shiny eyes cuff him to whatever piece of furniture he found suitable. 

Steeling himself to get away the moment Magnus would loosen the grip around his wrists, Alec kept a close eye on the handcuffs. 

„Thank you, Tessa.“ The girl’s footsteps walked away again, and suddenly Alec’s wrists were only held by one hand above his head. Damn, that guy was fast and what the-

The clinging of the handcuffs hitting the wooden floor out of Alec’s angle of view became a distant sound when Magnus leaned down and kissed him. Alec’s whole body went stiff, unmoving. Green eyes bored into his own with an intensity that chilled him to the bone. Or maybe chilling wasn’t quite right word because everything that had been cold before, any drop of cold sweat left behind on his skin got washed away by a sudden wave of heat. Alec felt like a butterfly being pinned onto a board with tiny nails. Those eyes held him in place like the famous rabbit by the snake. Magnus’ lips were still on his own, but they were soft and warm and Alec wanted to kick himself for being a freaking cliche. His thoughts stood still, but his own lips started moving slow and shy and fuck, his face felt like burning off. But it felt so good.

Then it was over and Alec regained the ability to breath again, in a way. It was too soon, too short. He brain was foggy and he felt drunk and high. Magnus on the other hand smiled and lifted his hand in front of Alec’s eyes and to Alec’s surprise his own hand got lifted off the ground as well. A silver band connected their wrists and it took Alec embarrassingly long to figure out that it was the chain of the handcuffs. 

Magnus hadn’t cuffed him to any piece of furniture, he had cuffed him to himself. Alec knew he should have been angry, but his brain was still struggling to catch up. He had gotten kissed a few times over the course of his life so far. Girls, guys, that one time with Jace that they had sworn to never talk about again. Jace. He had to let the other know where he was, but first …

Alec’s chest was heaving, struggling to move up and down. His heartbeat was screaming in his ears and Magnus, that damn idiot was smirking down at him. „You want to play?“, Alec breathed out, finding it terribly unfair that Magnus didn’t seem to be out of breath at all. „Let’s play.“

After closing the handcuffs Magnus had let go of the other wrist as well, so Alec was free to grab his collar pulling him down again, but this time on his own terms. Their lips were inches apart, so Alec’s tongue could slip out and easily tracing the line of Magnus’ lower lip. Magnus tried to sit up again, but Alec’s grip around his collar was like iron. He pulled a bit harder and this time their lips met again full on. Magnus glared down at him and Alec feasted on that fury. Suddenly though he felt a sharp sting on his lip and realized that Magnus had bitten him, the slight note of iron seeped onto his tongue. It was an odd intoxicating mixture, but instead of dulling his senses, it felt like it heightened them. A surge of energy raced through his veins and before he knew it, he had switched their positions, Magnus on his back staring up at Alec with a mix of anger and surprise. 

Alec poked his tongue out, carefully touching the place where the skin had been torn. He was breathing heavily, his lungs greedily sucking in air and his heartbeat was strong and vibrant in his chest. „You sure, you’re not into this kind of stuff?“, he asked breathless with a smile that surprised himself and laid loose and without strict lines on his face. As answer he received the most vicious death-glare Magnus had given him since he’d arrived at the orphanage. But Alec liked it, even though he didn’t understand why he liked it. It was odd, but the energy surging through his veins being across from somebody that was so close and yet wasn’t scared of that closeness, wasn’t scared of him and at the same time had an odd way of caring after all. 

Yeah, maybe that was it. Magnus cared. He cared about the red-haired advisor - Jocelyn? - He cared about the kids, keeping Alec away from them to keep him from hurting them … and Alec was damn good at throwing words around like weapons. And maybe, hopefully there also was that tiny little possibility that in a way he cared about Alec as well, telling the advisor to leave when her worry threatened to overlap the image of Alec’s own mother, sending him close to the edge of a frenzy of fear to loose that part of his mother that he had left. 

Looking down at Magnus Alec found himself leaning down again, slowly, carefully. The throbbing pain in his lower lip was his anchor, the thing that kept him from falling asleep or just drowning in the silence surrounding them, the silence born from their hectic breathing. Those weirdly vibrant green eyes followed his every move and for once that were’t daggers on his skin, but cold silk. 

„You’re a stranger“, Alec whispered, his eyes half-closed. He was tired, had been tired for the past week, since he’d gotten separated from Jace. His heart was restless, his skin raw with nervousness. They were close again. The bruises on Alec’s wrists began to burn softly. „A complete stranger.“

And with that he closed his eyes and pressed a careful, light kiss to the other’ lips leaving a little red dot behind. When he opened his eyes again, those green eyes looked at him questioningly. They tried to understand him which amused Alec because he didn’t get it himself, how was somebody else supposed to know what was going on. He grinned, his lip burned, he didn’t care. 

„You know“, he said, sitting back up again, lifting his hand and pulling Magnus’ hand up as well. „If you’ve wanted to hold hands you should’ve just asked.“ And for that Magnus pushed him off, though it wasn’t as impressive of a move with the handcuffs pulling at his hand as Alec rolled over … or tried to do so. 

-+-

Magnus would have lied if he’d said he didn’t regret at least a little bit the idea with the handcuffs, but for now it was the best shot he got for keeping Alec from trying to escape again. If they’d both act maturely about the whole situation it also wouldn’t be that bad, but Magnus had a gut feeling that Alec had any intention of making this an easy ride. Especially with school starting again on Monday.

At the same time though Magnus also had a hard time forgetting about the feeling of the other’s strong heartbeat vibrating right beneath his skin when they had been that close. It was the first taste of something completely new and Magnus didn’t like it one bit. 

„Fuck.“

„Did you say something?“

„No, keep eating.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The handcuffs sort of just happened.


	4. When you close your eyes, you can feel the rain on your skin

The first night with the handcuffs on had been very restless. At least they had put bandages between the cuffs and their wrists to prevent their bones being scarped clean from the countless attempts to pull the other into a certain direction. Around midnight Alec and Magnus had kind of given up on the fight over the blanket and the hateful glares shot at each other and simply passed out. The next morning though should show that waking up to each others sleepy faces did not help defusing the existing tension between them.

Alec had instinctively smashed his head against Magnus’ face trying to shove him off the bed at the same time. But with the handcuffs still firmly in place it had once again ended up with them both tangled on the floor. 

„We have to stop meeting like this“, Magnus groaned which earned him on of Alec’s already infamous glares. He still didn’t give a damn, but Alec didn’t seem to care about that either. Magnus on the other hand was too busy reevaluating his standing on violence against other guys. Maybe he was still a firm believer of the wisdom that violence against girl was just not okay, but if he was truly honest with himself he felt himself tempted to make an exception whenever blue eyes, black hair and bad language was involved. 

Alec taking in a deep, almost defeated sounding breath tore Magnus from his thoughts about bloody noses and what kind of scratches could be counted as harmless. He turned his head towards Alec, but the newcomer wasn’t even looking at him anymore. Alec was craning his neck to look at the door, maybe checking if there was already somebody brought to their room alarmed by the noises of two teenagers hitting the wooden floor. Magnus only stared at the ceiling and listened. He’d only earn a stiff neck otherwise. There were neither voices nor hectic steps. The house was still cloaked in the unmistakable silence of an early morning. Soft rain pattered against the windows, almost lulling him back to sleep. But a hardwood floor definitely wasn’t comfortable enough to fall asleep again, unfortunately, because Magnus sure as hell was tired enough. He really needed a good night sleep if he wanted to survive the rollercoaster. The rain outside painted colorless patterns against the glass. 

At least there was no thunder rolling inside the clouds. Yet.

It felt like the weather itself had hit a major depression after that crazy heat wave of the past weeks. The sky was crying for those who hadn’t made it.   
‚Oh dear, don’t get too cheerful‘, Magnus mocked himself and was just about to try getting up again when Alec’s timid voice suddenly made him halt in is motions. 

„You scared me, okay?“ When Magnus turned his head towards Alec again, he noticed that the other guy wasn’t even close to looking at him as well. The back of Alec’s head was close to his face and the line of his shoulders the most expressive thing he was able to see. Nothing else was left there for Magnus to read. Alec’s voice was there for him to read and try to understand as well, but he wasn’t yet completely accustomed to reading between the lines, between those fine differences in undertones. Alec’s shoulders had been tense during the night. They always were. Maybe a massage would help lighten his mood. 

„I scared you?“ Magnus was slightly distracted by something slowly running down his skin, across his cheek. He raised the hand which wasn’t cuffed to Alec and carefully wiped it off. Looking at his fingers afterwards he noticed it was blood. ‚Is my nose bleeding?‘ Another thing that suddenly became more prominent was the dull pounding of pain in the center of his face. 

„You were there“, Alec muttered. His shoulders shifted awkwardly, but the tension remained between his shoulder blades. 

„Okay …“ Magnus decided to temporarily ignore the blood. It wasn’t very much anyway. It was probably a scratch somewhere. Was his lip spilt? „But after we went to bed together … shouldn’t that kind of ruin the surprise of waking up next to me the next morning? Oh, or were you upset because I was in fact still there? That I didn’t disappear into thin air by some random magic wish of yours?“, Magnus asked with a tone dry as sandpaper, but that attitude broke instantly when he noticed a … snort? A sudden exhale of air. A soft shaking upsetting the ever so tense line of Alec’s shoulders. Magnus eyes went wide as his mind rushed to an unexpected conclusion. 

„Oh my god, are you laughing?“ Sudden excitement flooded his body and the dull pain radiating from his face and back took a backseat for a few moments. „Did I seriously make you laugh? You are able to do that?“

And just like that the tension was back. Magnus would’ve smacked his face against a desk if this room had been in the passion of such a piece of furniture. He briefly though just letting the palm of his hand meet his forehead, but right that moment his right hand was yanked to the side as Alec forcibly turned around to finally look Magnus straight into the face again. But with them being uncomfortably intertwined like they were Alec’s face and body obviously ended up much closer to Magnus than either of them had expected. Or wanted. Maybe.

This way though Magnus had a first row seat to the experience of Alec’s supposedly death glare melting away and giving space to something quite similar to … shock?

„Oh, fuck, you’re bleeding.“

Magnus blinked a few times, possibly a bit dazed from blood loss or just that much blue almost feeling the whole field of his vision and for once those eyes weren’t trying to burn holes into his soul. The expression was so unguarded like nothing he’d seen cross Alec’s face during their short time of acquaintance. It came close to worry and Magnus didn’t understand why it threw him off so much, why it took him a few moment to regain his hold on reality.   
„Yes? Yes, of course I’m bleeding. What did you expect after that head-butt stunt? “

Maybe it was the blood loss. It totally had to be the blood loss, the early hour in the morning. Magnus had never really been an early bird and he couldn’t stand people who were. It didn’t mean that he slept past noon, he simply found that 5am wasn’t really a reasonable time to be conscious. It wasn’t 5 am. It felt more like 6 am or something else. Whatever time it was, Magnus felt like it was too early for his world to be turned upside down either way. 

„I apologized.“ There was a sound between the words that reminded Magnus of locks being sealed shut again and suddenly a sense of nostalgia came over him. He didn’t like locks, visible or invisible. They were such small devices with yet such a great power of blocking passageways much bigger than them, locking doors to bedrooms, to cellars. Locking him out or locking him in. Magnus didn’t like that. 

„No, you didn’t.“ 

„Well, then I at least thought it.“

„That doesn’t count, dumbass.“

„Want me to hit you again?“

When they finally got off the floor and to Jocelyn who instantly scrambled for the first aid-kid, Magnus had a new bruise on the side of his forehead and Alec sported three scratches across his left cheek. They refused to talk or look at each other and neither of them could be swayed to explain what exactly happened. 

Maybe it was the first one of their secrets. A stupid one, so unimportant, and yet at the same time none of these things.

-+-

Usually the children from the orphanage would take an entrance exam at the local school as soon as they had settled into the daily routines of the orphanage and the whole situation wouldn’t scare them so much anymore or cause stress too high for them to handle. With this test it would be determined how much the kids knew and therefore which grade they could be put into. Usually. But as so many things in this short period of time things had turned out not to take the usual direction with Alec Lightwood, especially when one were handcuffed to him.

„Can I ask you something, Alec?“

„You just did.“

„I hate that answer.“

„You asked for it.“

„I hate you.“

Alec gave Magnus a smug ‚not my problem‘-grin over which Magnus only rolled his eyes. They were waiting for the bus that would take them to the local school. There were several good aspects of living in a house so far outside of town, but having only one bus to get you back to civilization wasn’t on that list. The orphanage had one small bus they used for grocery shopping and other errands, but the advisors didn’t have the time to drive the students to school. And for obvious reasons they couldn’t drive themselves. 

The hight drizzling of rain and the grey light from a grey sun gave the whole scene the atmosphere of one of these artsy indie films that Magnus had watched for a class project last year. He figured being in one of these scenarios really was just as depressing as it had seemed on screen. Still, he’d been quite proud of the analysis he’d made and at least that pride hadn’t faded yet. The bus stop was very luxury he noted, not for the first time. It had a roof, simple look-through plastic curving over their heads and held by dull, grey metal bars, with three bright orange metal chairs attached to the base. They were the kind of chairs that already looked uncomfortable, but for some reason the fearless trio of Will, Tessa and Jem always took their places there like sitting on thrones. 

These three were the youngest among the student group and the most fascinating bunch to watch, Magnus found. Tessa sat in the middle of the two boys, holding a book, probably still ‚A Tale of Two Cities‘ reading it slowly and with her voice barely above a whisper to Jem and Will. Her little finger moved along the lines with the precision of a surgeon, never missing a word, never skipping a line. The two boys took turns in carrying her bag, but at least outside of the orphanage wherever Tessa went, those two weren’t far of. The only trouble with them turned out to be when the teachers spoke the words ‚Choose a partner‘ because then they could take drama to a whole new level. Magnus’ only job was usually to make sure they didn’t miss the bus or classes after a break when they once again got lost in Tessa’s favorite book of the month. 

The other students from the orphanage had formed a little group a bit further away, as far as the roof and the rain allowed them to go. Magnus had to lie when he’d say he wouldn’t notice the nervous glances thrown his way, or Alec’s way to be more precise. Talk about the ‚suicide‘-incident had travelled through the orphanage faster than fire carvings its way through dry leaves, the handcuff-story right on its heels. That in combination with Alec’s spectacular arrival had given him quite a reputation and now that Magnus was cuffed to him as his personal watchdog, that reputation or at least the tendency to avoid Alec had begun to rub off. Something, that Magnus as social as he liked to be, didn’t like very much. He was caught between blaming himself, blaming Alec and rolling his eyes at the others. But deep down, he was glad that the others kept their distance because Alec was dangerous, in a way they might not expect.

There had been kids at the orphanage that were upset and ‚difficult‘, but not broken to pieces like that and even then not with that hissing intelligence beneath all those razor-sharp edges. 

„What’s the question you wanted to ask?“

„Huh?“ Magnus turned his attention back to Alec, but once again he wasn’t looking at Magnus but staring at the road. The bus was late, but really, what else was new? Magnus was close to teasing Alec about his remaining curiosity, but then he decided against it. It didn’t feel right at the moment and somehow inappropriate as well. Maybe it had something to do with Alec’s hanging shoulders, maybe with the thinning rain. Maybe Magnus missed the thunder rolling in the distance. Not to mention that with teasing Alec, he would never get an answer out of that stubborn mouth. 

„Why were you scared - why did it scare you so much to see me the other day?“ It had been two days since the head-butt-incident and while Magnus didn’t have anymore bloody experiences and the scratches on Alec’s cheek were only a far shadow from the angry red of that morning, the nights hadn’t been anymore relaxed. It just felt like Alec refused to get used to the situation and it bothered Magnus that he felt so helpless in this matter. It didn’t feel like it was something about modesty, Alec had made it very obvious that he wasn’t ashamed of his body or undressing with Magnus being present. It was something else, something that always slipped through Magnus’ fingers like smoke. He’d tried to bring up the topic before, but it had never really felt like a good time. Maybe it was indeed the rain because without the thunder there was just a calm weight hanging over their heads, nothing with too much tension, nothing that would instantly distract from the question asked. 

After a short moment of silence, Magnus took the leap of catching the words floating through the air between them. „I mean, did I do something? Did I … did I touch you in a wrong way? During the night maybe?“ He remembered Alec yelling to him about people being disappointed by him, but also about others not keeping their hands off him. „Because if so, then I’m very sorry, it totally wasn’t -“

„There was no touching“, Alec breathed out exasperatedly and finally raised his gaze from the road to look at Magnus, really look at him. For some reason Magnus was thankful for that. But at the same time he also noted somewhere at the back of his mind that there had been touching. It was actually very difficult to be bound to each other by handcuffs and avoid any kind of touching the night. But for Alec ‚touching‘ didn’t mean ‚touching‘ anymore, it seemed. He didn’t even add the words ‚in the wrong way‘. The word itself had become a synonym for invading one’s physical privacy. For Alec the word had lost its innocence and it was sad to watch those harmless letters being broken on the ground.

Magnus wanted to pick them up again, but he didn’t dare to do so. He could have corrected Alec, telling him that they totally were touching and that he had fading marks on his cheek as clear proof of that, that they had been touching just this morning, bumping into each other when they’d sleepily tried to brush their teeth and wanted to spit out at the same time. He didn’t. He kept all these words inside because they would be meaningless right this moment.

Alec’s eyes were full of rain and if Magnus looked close enough he could find the storm in there that the sky had been missing for the past days. His hands were water drops hitting the ground, his fingers played restlessly with the lukewarm air between them. And for once, Magnus was okay with it. He didn’t complain about his hand being dragged along, following the lines of those soft waves. 

„You haven’t shared a bed with somebody before?“, Magnus eventually tried to help, keeping his face open and soft. Alec shook his head with a flash of annoyance crossing his face. Magnus didn’t take it personal. 

„No, I did - of course, I did, I had sib- I did, okay? I just … I simply expected somebody else.“ His voice sunk low enough to risk getting lost among the raindrops. „I … I hoped for somebody else.“

It was that moment that the bus arrived, breaking the rain and the silence, and Magnus was so upset that he almost forgot Tessa, Will and Jem at the bus stop. 

-+-

Alec liked school, to a degree. He was very sure that he did it for all the wrong reasons, but he didn’t care. It gave him a sense of structure, a sense of purpose. It made the concept of passing time tangible somehow. 

Alec was past the phase of expecting his family coming around the corner any minute. He was past those days of agony when every sound was a part of their silenced voices. He didn’t see their faces in random reflections anymore. He didn’t smash mirrors anymore because he could’t stand seeing only himself. He didn’t break into tears as often as he used to anymore. But he hadn’t let go of the hate yet. He still hated the world for taking his family sooner than it was fair, oaky or natural. He still hated the therapist that had wanted him to talk about his happy memories, about his sadness, about everything. Grief counseling it had been called. But Alec hadn’t wanted to talk, still didn’t want to. He hadn’t wanted to spit out the names of his family between violent sobs, didn’t want their memories to drown in tears and sadness, putting them on full display for others to dissect. No, he would keep them inside, bottled up in the good way, close to his heart.

The world had already taken too much from him, he wouldn’t loose anything else. 

To a degree though, school scared him as well.

It was a mess of thousands of names, crawling in the hallways, clinging to doorframes, being thrown from one room to another. The chances were high that at some point Alec would get hit with a familiar name, that was a stranger all at the same time. Teachers would call him ‚Alexander‘ and Alec would hate them because they had no right to do so. His mother had called him Alexander. It was the name that belonged to her lips and maybe it had died with her, to a degree. 

He wouldn’t allow anybody else to call him that. Not Magnus. Not even Jace.

Alec had tried going back to school after the fire, but it hadn’t worked. Part of him was curious if it would be different this time, if would be different this time. Maybe being handcuffed to Magnus was enough of a change to change the experience. It would definitely prevent him from throwing stuff which would prevent him from being sent to detention and eventually expelled. That was already a good thing, right? 

„Why do I have the feeling that we are late?“, Alec inquired as they hurried along empty hallways. Magnus shot him a look that he didn’t care about, but he got no answer. „I will take that as a yes“, he muttered just as they reached a room that had the word ‚Office‘ written next to the door. No name could be found underneath or could it? If Alec squinted, he could make out faded letters. Yeah, but still no complete name. 

Magnus knocked and Alec took the chance to look around, suddenly feeling way more upbeat than when they had left the bus. He liked empty hallways in schools. It was like you got the structure that the concept of the school provided, but without the annoying other people that bump into you or try to start random conversations when they think you are lost. So, being late was a big relief for Alec. Magnus didn’t look as relieved. 

„Come in.“

The room inside was surprisingly simple, but maybe that was only due to the fact that Alec had never been to a school this small before. There was a desk with a middle-aged woman sitting behind it. There was a little flower on the windowsill, a little calendar with cat pictures next to a list of cryptic notes on the wall next to the desk and a cupboard with locks on every shelf. In front of the desk stood one simple chair which Magnus took because Alec realized too late that it was the only chair. So, he acted like a gentleman and glared down at the top of Magnus’ head. 

„Oh, hello, Magnus, dear“, the woman gave them a brilliant smile with the charm of a good heart. Her brown hair was tied into a loose knot on the back of head and her eyes looked at them over the rims of silver-lined glasses. „I was worried the bus would have forgotten to pick you guys up. Oh, and this has to be your new friend?“ She looked up at Alec and he instantly liked her. He also wanted to hug her which slightly confused him, but not necessarily in a bad way. He could feel Magnus glancing at him as well.

„I’m so sorry that we are late and … well, friends would be probably a but much-“, Magnus started, but Alec interrupted him with the best son-in-law-smile he could muster. 

„Yes, we are totally friends, good friends, you see …“ He held up the hand with the handcuffs attached to it which made Magnus raise one hand as well. „… friendship bracelets and all.“ 

The secretary looked shocked for a moment at the handcuffs, but then the warm smile was back on her face. She looked back at Magnus saying: „Oh, he’s a charming young man, Magnus, make sure you don’t loose him.“

„Wouldn’t dream of it.“

The secretary extended her hand towards Alec and for good measure he grabbed with the one not cuffed to Magnus. „I’m Mrs. Branwell, dear, you have to be Alec?“  
Alec almost forgot to take her hand and even when he did, he only registered absent-mindedly what was happening. He had braced himself for correcting her on his name, had been ready to stay as calm as possible because she was a nice woman and he didn’t want to hate her or throw words at her that could cut through flesh. Now every bit of that tension fell flat and Alec didn’t know what to do with himself. 

„You can wait in front of the teacher’s room, I’ll let Mr. Branwell know that you are here at last.“

„Thank you very much“, Magnus replied and got up from the chair. „And I apologize again for being late.“

„Don’t worry about it“, Mrs. Branwell assured him. „It’s the first day of school, things always go a bit crazy.“

Outside Magnus pulled Alec further down the hallway. Another door came in sight with this time thankfully three chairs placed next to it. Magnus took the first one, Alec arranged himself with the second one. 

„Mr. Branwell?“, Alec asked after a while. „Are they-?“

„Her husband is the dean of the school“, Magnus answered while taking off his shoulder bag and putting it on his lap. Alec didn’t have a bag yet. Jocelyn had suggested they’d share one for the first day because there wouldn’t be much for Alec to take with him anyway. The school would decide what he needed and who had to provide it. Next to the door of what Alec assumed was said teacher’s room, there was a display of old group pictures of students. They looked like they had won something, all smiling and nobody hugging each other. The Along the hallway Alec could spot several pictures that he suspected were drawn by students. It was the usual inventory of a school. 

Next to him Magnus kept rummaging through his bag, pulling out a bottle of water, taking a sip, closing the cap, putting it back in again. Then he looked through the pens he packed last night, checked for his portemonnaie that held the little money supposed to buy them lunch. Alec narrowed his eyes at him. 

„Are you okay?“, he asked carefully. „You seem nervous.“

Magnus took a deep breath and let it out again, without any kind of calming effect as it seemed. „I just … I don’t like to be late to appointments. Usually the bus still makes it in time, but with that old lady on the second stop, it took longer than usual.“ His longer fingers were nervously drumming against the outside of the bag.   
His eyes were trained on the floor, then the wall opposite from them, then the ceiling and back on the floor. 

After watching him for a while Alec put his free hand on top of Magnus’ effectively stopping the drumming. Magnus tried to pull his hand free, but Alec wouldn’t let him until he finally felt some of the nervous energy leaving Magnus’ body. His skin was warm and Alec could feel the fine bones of his knuckles beneath the skin. 

„It’s bad to be late“, Magnus whispered eventually. He licked his lips and closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. „Bad things can happen …“ And just like that his voice faded into silence. He didn’t look at Alec, no matter how much he tried to 

„She said it’s okay.“ 

Magnus opened his eyes again and looked at Alec biting his lower lip with a force that Alec worry if he should get some napkins. Not knowing what to do because he was bad with the emotions of other people if it wasn’t about pissing them off, Alec simply looked back. His hand still covered Magnus’, but Magnus didn’t try to pull it back despite Alec not holding it in place anymore. 

„People always say that“, Magnus whispered eventually. His eyes were frozen hard as ice, his emotions like unmoving fish caught by the ice, not expecting it spreading so far. Alec felt a cold silence settling into his bones, wrapping around them like a well-known blanket. His fingers slid between Magnus’, intertwining their hands at a point were handcuffs didn’t force them to be close. 

„I know“, he said shrugging his shoulders like he had done so many times in front of who had asked him if he was doing okay and that it was okay to cry and be sad. He said ‚I know‘ like he had done so many times, but this time felt like the first he also actually meant it. He knew and he wanted Magnus to understand how well he knew that. 

It’s okay. You are going to be alright. Don’t worry about it. I can understand. Are you okay? It’s oaky if you don’t want to talk about it. 

There were things you learned. There were things you noticed. There were things you heard so many times that it made your ears bleed. Orphans were branded with words all over their body from simply hearing them so many times. They were scarred by shattered dreams with traces all over their bones. They got to know fears that nobody else would ever fully understand and suddenly Alec felt bad for never wondering about how Magnus had ended up in the orphanage. 

Magnus pulled his hand away from under Alec’s, their fingers lost each other and Alec felt lonely. He leaned back in his chair while Magnus sat next to him with a straight back. There were no words left in the hallway. Everything had been said and Alec was upset about the silence that was real this time. Absent-mindedly he looked at the hand that only seconds before had touched Magnus’. There had been touching between them, it was hard not to do so with the handcuffs. And at the same time it hadn’t been touching. 

„Why did she call me Alec? Official people usually have that obsession with full names.“ Alec looked up at Magnus, but Magnus stared down the hallway, the bag still on his lap. 

„Jocelyn told them that you didn’t like being called by your full name“, he said. His voice was tired, kind of far away with a heavy weight attached to it. „It’s a note in your file.“

Alec found he didn’t care if Magnus looked at him or not, he could still look at him. He could watch him as long as would take Magnus to look back at him again. 

„That’s nice of her.“ He would thank her for that later when they got back to the orphanage. 

„She’s a nice person.“

Alec had apologized to her about the suicide-incident later the same day it had happened. He had explained to her that he wasn’t suicidal and he hated the pang in his chest when he thought back to her sad expression when he told her that he’d wanted to get away. She had hugged him, telling him how much she hoped he would find something good about being at the orphanage for the time he’d spent there. Of course he had freaked out at that and she had ended up being the one apologizing. 

Jace had once asked him as a joke ‚Have you ever met … like, the human version of a headache?’ and Alec had grinned at him saying ‚Of course man, I have a mirror in my room.‘

-+-

Alec had to take a quick quiz about which grade he’d been in at his last schools, what topics he remembered, which basics he knew, languages and so on. In the end Mr. Branwell decided that they could try putting him into the same class as Magnus for a the first week ad then see how that would turn out. That included sharing books and other material. 

„But I guess with your handcuff-situation it would have turned out like this anyway“, Mr. Branwell joked and Magnus and Alec simply raised their cuffed wrists as silent agreement. They got the new schedule for this school year and were excused for the rest of the day which left Magnus very restless as he stood next to Alec under the short roof in front of the school entrance. The rain had grown stronger again, splashing against the sidewalk already sprinkling the two boys with tiny water drops. Alec was still busy, pursing his lips, tilting his head, muttering complaints about early PE lessons. 

„Will sweatpants do for PE?“

„Yeah, it’s not like they have a dress code.“

Magnus flexed his free hand. The one that had been holding his bag earlier. The one that Alec had covered with his hand earlier. Intertwining their fingers like that had almost felt like holding hands. Rain had something very calming sometimes, but in some rare moments it made Magnus restless. He couldn’t quite say if today it was the rain or the fact that he had gotten up expecting to spend the day at school and now was left with an afternoon all to themselves. He had told Tessa during the first break that he and Alec wouldn’t stay till the end of school because they had been excused. He had told her that she’d have to pay attention to the time, so they wouldn’t miss any classes. Tessa had simply smiled at him, put one hand one his arm and said:  
„Don’t worry about, I’ve got that covered.“ Then he she had ordered her two boys to ask one of the older students to lend them a watch. Magnus just hoped that they would be okay. It was the first time he’d leave them at school on their own.

The bus stop was about a ten minute walk away and with the rain still going heavy like this, they would be soaked after only half of that way. Magnus glanced sideways at Alec who looked down at the schedule with an resigned expression. 

„You want to run?“

Alec raised an eyebrow at him and gave back the schedule that Magnus safely tucked between the pages of his writing pad. „With you still attached to my hand and probably yelling at me no matter how far I manage to drag you? Nope, thank you.“

Magnus grinned at that. It was an honest grin that Alec’s dark, sarcastic look startled out of him, maybe there was even a laugh hidden between the lines. „No, I mean, if you want to run to the bus stop“, he explained, the grin still on his face like it was glued to it. „Not if you want to run away again - and you’d be totally right with that assumption, just so you know.“

Alec narrowed his eyes at him, their cuffed hands bumping against each other. Magnus became more and more accustomed to that experience. „Are you serious?“

„I wouldn’t ask if I weren’t serious.“

Alec rolled his eyes at him. „God, I hate that answer.“

„You asked for it.“

They were soaked after the first fifty meters. Water was dripping down their faces when they finally reached the bus stop. Drawing air into their lungs with pure greed they stood next to each other panting for a while. Their gazes flew up and down the street looking for somebody who might have seen them, just checking if there was an kind of reaction. A young man standing behind the window of what looked like an office with a tie and clean white shirt looked at them with that kind of confused shock that Magnus had known the moment he’d figured out his love for neon colors. Magnus waved at the man who just shook his head and went on with whatever he was doing. He felt Alec calming down next to him as well, but the moment their eyes met they exploded into laughter. 

„If I am getting sick because of you, I’ll sue you.“

Magnus grinned with a sense of crazy rushing through his veins. „Oh please, it’s a summer rain, don’t be so dramatic.“

„Ever heard of a summer cold?“ Alec tried unsuccessfully to blow a strand of black hair out of his forehead, but it was heavy with water and rain and gravity. In the end he just pushed it back with his free hand, turning his wet hair a new kind of mess.

„That’s a myth“, Magnus snorted. The laughter between them calmed down again, the crazy buzzing in Magnus’ veins dulled down and the sound of the rain became louder and more prominent again. Magnus stared at Alec who tried prevent the water dripping from his hair to run down his face and into his eyes. He looked comically strange doing that and Magnus felt his own heartbeat syncing with the angry summer rain.


	5. A Taste of Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience.

Without the thunder we are deaf to the lightning and without the lightning we are blind to the thunder, because we’ve been taught, that both is needed for a proper storm. It’s a dangerous wisdom, especially if the storm carries your name. 

-+-

Introducing yourself to a new class was never easy, and being handcuffed to another classmate at the same time didn’t exactly help with that. Alec had only been to one school in his life and there each student had introduced themselves once in 1st grade and then again, when they got into new classes for middle school, but that had been it. When you changed schools, you were the only one who had to introduce yourself. It wasn’t fair, Alec thought. Wouldn’t it be more effective for everybody to introduce themselves to the new kid as well? And more polite as well, he found. His parents sure enough had always insisted on Alec introducing himself to   
guests, they had over for dinner and-

Alec swallowed heavily. No, he thought with determination, don’t go down that road. He clenched his fists, he clenched his teeth. Don’t go there. He imagined heavy doors closing with force inside of his head. Again and again did they slam against their frames until the memory, that had reared its head again was silenced again. He concentrated on his annoyance at standing in front of this class of students staring at him. He concentrated on his current situation, on the handcuffs around one wrist, on all those eyes almost glued to him. He was angry, yes, that was good. He was angry. He was annoyed. He wasn’t sad.

“Please give a warm welcome to Alec everybody. Alec, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?“

I’m a mess and I don’t want to talk about it, Alec thought reflexively, but swallowed the words down just in time before they had the chance to jump over his tongue. He was supposed to make a good or at least a harmless impression. He was supposed to say something, that wasn’t too deep and didn’t take too long. He could do that. His heartbeat was lodged somewhere in his throat and his sweater was purple. 

Magnus had talked him into the sweater and had told him over the whole bus drive to school “You can do this!“ to a point, that Alec had started to believe he was talking to himself. Just tell them your favorite color or something like that. If you say nothing at all, they’re just going to start poking. Favorite subject, go with that, it’s school-related, it’s easy enough, you don’t even have to say ‘favorite subject‘, just say you like it. Then you won’t have to be good at it. Just something … Somewhere between the second and third bus stop, Alec had felt like Magnus prepared him for an interrogation and that didn’t exactly help. But he had still appreciated it. Also, for some reason Magnus had seemed more nervous than Alec. 

“I like ravioli,“ he managed to get out and during the following confused silence he decided, that it could have gone worse.

“Okay, thank you, Alec, now you two can sit down in the back. We cleared the seat next to Magnus - I mean, we changed the seating arrangement, not that we got rid of some of the students …“ They both looked at Mrs. Collins as she cleared her throat again and then politely pointed towards the seats. Magnus gave her an encouraging smile and sometimes Alec wondered where that guy pulled all that positive energy from. It was fascinating. 

They turned to walk towards the seats and Alec mentally prepared himself not to stumble across something. He and Magnus had become quite good at maneuvering around with the handcuffs on without smashing the other into a wall - accidentally. If it happened now, it was totally on purpose on both sides. But school bags could be a serious obstacle when it came to walking through a classroom. Magnus stepped forward and Alec let himself be dragged after him. When they reached the middle of the classroom though, and the seats where already within reaching distance, one of the girls whose seat they just passed spoke up:  
“Why are you two handcuffed to each other?“

The question surprised Alec so much at the moment because he’d been so focused on not falling, and had gotten used to them so much already, just like the other kids at the orphanage, that his mouth simply took the first thought his mind spit out and ran with it. 

“We’re married, but it wasn’t my idea,“ he told her matter-of-factly, Magnus’ head whipped around to stare at him, just like the rest of the class did. Alec swallowed again. So much for the first impression. 

When they sat down outside during the big break, Magnus still had that disbelieving look on his face.

“Married?,“ he asked throwing his hands into the air like he wanted an explanation for his crappy luck from the universe. The gesture though was made slightly less dramatic due to Alec’s hand being pulled up as well. 

“I panicked, okay? Sorry. But seriously, who’s going to believe it anyway? And I mean, even if not, look on the bright side of it, this way … well …,“ he struggled while Magnus glared at him until Alec eventually gave up and sighed. “I’ll think of something. But there’s always a bright side.“

“Big words, coming from someone whose color palette is pretty much monochromatic.“

“Hey!“ Alec indignantly pointed his index finger at Magnus, dragging the other’s hand along. “I’m wearing purple today. I’m getting there.“

“I had to talk you into wearing it for like two hours.“

“But I’m wearing it.“

Magnus rolled his eyes and shook his head, but Alec could see a smile, soft and small, growing on is lips. “Okay, whatever, I’m sorry for freaking out like that.“ He reached into his bag and took out the sandwiches they had prepared this morning over soggy cereal. Magnus had complained and made a scrunchy face at it, but Alec loved his cereal with a good load of milk. And maybe, just a tiny bit, he’d done it on purpose to annoy Magnus. 

“Is there a reason for why you freaked out like that?,“ Alec asked, trying to go for a casual tone. He was seriously curious because Magnus usually didn’t react that strongly to things, that Alec said. He tended to be very unfiltered most of the time. Magnus had appeared to have gotten used to it, so Alec was pretty sure he’d hit a nerve this time.

“I promised myself to never get married,“ Magnus eventually muttered, staring down at his sandwich and Alec nodded chewing a bite of salad and a tomato.   
“Marriages don’t work out in my family.“ He tipped against the table, rubbing his fingers against each other in the same manner as the other day, when they’d been late to their appointment with the headmaster. Alec had started to look closer in the past few days. Magnus talked a lot with his hands, even when he didn’t speak and sometimes especially then. 

“Okay.“ Alec swallowed down his first bite. “I’ll stick to the friendship-bracelet-story the next time.“

Magnus stopped fidgeting with his fingers and put the hand flat on the top of the table. “Why does there have to be a story at all?“ He sounded exhausted and a little bit annoyed, but not too much yet. He wasn’t upset. But the question made Alec still for a moment. He looked at the handcuffs, that were an interesting contrast to the warm brown of the wooden table. 

“Because telling the truth gives others a hold of your life. If they only have a lie, a semi-truth, you can walk away more easily. If they have the truth in their hands, they have a real weight, that they can throw at you.“ He lifted the handcuffed wrist a bit, looking at the reflection of the sunlight on the metal surface. In another lifetime Alec had made up stories for others, he’d been good at it and people had joked, that he would be great at lying, too, without ever realizing, that he indeed was. 

“Unless you trust them.“

“Yeah,“ Alec whispered. Putting his hand back down again and taking another bite from his sandwich. Trust made talking about the truth a lot easier. 

-+-

In the mornings, Magnus would turn to Alec after their alarm had gone off. He would wait a bit to see if Alec was awake already. He would listen to his breathing. He would softly say “Hey, it’s me.“ and Alec would reply “I know.“, usually with his eyes closed. Magnus would further shake him awake if Alec dozed off again. They didn’t have another head butting-incident. Magnus still didn’t know, who Alec had expected to see next to him that one morning. 

But they had figured out a rhythm and it worked. They started figuring out a routine for waking up in the morning and getting dressed, taking showers and brushing their teeth, for walking around and doing their homework without trying to kill each other. Magnus would call it progress, while Alec liked to title it as ‘forced development‘. 

-+-

It wasn’t raining, but Magnus was in a rainy mood. There was something dark about the cars appearing on the street, which lead to the entrance door of the orphanage. The last one arrived about ten minutes late and the couple jumping out of it, hurried down the path towards the door, with the woman leading and the man trailing behind because he had to lock the car first. Magnus wondered, what the scene would look like if it was raining. It would look better, he decided, their hurry would look more natural, more honest somehow. This way it was just odd, like the other couples, that had arrived before them, would snatch away the children and leaving none for these two to adopt. 

“I feel like it should be raining,“ Alec huffed next to Magnus as he placed his chin on top of his hand after putting his elbow on the windowsill. He could still look out of the window, but sit more comfortably. They had pushed a couch in front of one of the three windows on the second floor hallway. None of them had felt like spending the afternoon holed up in their room, of which the window even faced the opposite direction as well. At the same time though, Jocelyn and Magnus had decided, that it wouldn’t be a wise idea to put Alec in a room with the others and a couple of adults looking for a child to adopt. Alec had nodded in agreement over a bowl of soggy cereal. Magnus didn’t get how he could eat that stuff, but Alec seemed content to have breakfast that way. He managed to have breakfast and dinner with the other children by now without throwing something, neither verbally nor non-verbally, but Magnus felt like this today would have been too much of a risk. Even if Alec managed to stay clam the whole time as a passive bystander, he would catch the eye of somebody for sure and the direct confrontation would not go down peacefully. 

“Do you think it should be raining?“ Alec turned towards Magnus using an oddly emphasized way of speaking, like teachers, that worked with little children and Magnus was offended for like two seconds. He raised a questioning eyebrow at Alec, who simply rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to make conversation here, humor me, okay? Jocelyn told me, I should practice in an environment I feel comfortable in, so that’s what I’m trying to do.“

Alec clearly did not feel fully comfortable, but it seemed more because of this being a new territory for him than him not feeling safe around Magnus. 

“Awww, you feel comfortable around me? That melts my heart,“ Magnus teased him just to break the ice a bit. He instantly got an annoyed glare, but Alec didn’t turn away and Magnus was glad about that. He was also glad about the fact, that Alec listened to Jocelyn’s advice than he was about Alec choosing him to talk to. Mostly because the handcuffs didn’t really leave Alec many choices. 

“It’s also kind of not an option to have an environment without you, so there’s that …“

It was meant as a joke, Magnus knew that, but he couldn’t help thinking about the fact, that there was truth to what Alec had said. He looked down at the handcuffs. Magnus couldn’t deny, that he was glad about the current situation because it got him out of having to be downstairs with the others. It spared him from the same experience of being seen, yet still overlooked. And he felt guilty for bing happy about it. Would it be okay, to take the handcuffs off by now?

“I do think it should be raining,“ he eventually said and looked back up. Alec nodded with a smile on his lips and made a vague hand gesture, looking up at the ceiling for a moment, looking for words as his lips moved silently. 

“Why do you think so?“, he continued with that same emphasized kind of tone.

Magnus felt himself starting to grin and he realized, that he was enjoying himself. Yeah, he thought, this is fun. “If this was a movie, it would be raining.“

“Ah, yes, you’re right.“ Alec nodded absent-mindedly and turned his head to gaze out of the window again. “Yes, it would be raining and somebody would be playing a piano, off-screen, no fancy melody, just some sad tones.“ 

Magnus followed his gaze and together they looked down at the cars, that were silently waiting for their owners to return. The sun was standing high, maybe a few clouds here and there. “Why would it be sad? Being adopted should be a happy story, with a happy melody.“

Alec shrugged, the handcuffs sounded softly in the silence of the hallway. “No adoption has ever turned into a happy story for me, so I guess, I might be the wrong one to ask.“ He raised one eyebrow at Magnus, who only copied his shrug, though with a bit more enthusiasm and a half-made smile. 

“I might be the wrong one to ask about this, too. I’ve never been adopted.“

“You didn’t miss much, I’d say.“

They looked at each other for a while. Alec had questions in his eyes, that Magnus felt resonating on his tongue; the desire to know what it felt like to be on the other side. What was it like to be noticed in that room full of children downstairs? What did it feel like to be wanted as part of a family - only to be rejected because you didn’t fit the first impression, because people expected you to be straight and felt betrayed by not being told that detail, as if it was a disease they had to be informed about. What was it like to not even find a home at an orphanage after loosing the one you were born in, pretty much only having the street left, where nobody asked because nobody cared. Or maybe they did care, but Magnus still couldn’t imagine the streets as a place without loneliness. Probably the same way Alec couldn’t see an orphanage as a place, where one could survive with your heart intact.

At the same time, though, Magnus had to admit, that he wasn’t exactly missing the home he’d been born in, the one he’d lost with the death of his stepfather. His mother he missed, maybe, but not all of the time. It had happened so long ago, yet he was still angry at her, sometimes. He resented her for dying, resented his stepfather for standing by while his mother had fallen apart. He resented himself for having been so powerless back then. He resented doors, that he didn’t have a key to. 

“Maybe we both missed something,“ Magnus said eventually and for a moment there he could hear the imaginary rain pattering against the window, some sad notes played carefully on a piano and getting lost among the muted sounds from the first floor. Alec took a deep breath and pressed his lips into a tight line. His whole face was a portrait of tension and dull sadness. 

“Every child at an orphanage is missing something.“ 

Magnus wanted to hug him, but the handcuffs would make it awkward. They would get in the way, and who knew if Alec was even the type for hugs. Alec would be reminded of the fact, that Magnus was the one keeping him here, even if it was done with a good intention. Maybe Alec didn’t want to be hugged by him. He hadn’t appeared to be that fond of close physical contact so far. Magnus liked hugs, liked people that weren’t scared to get close to him like that, not those, that touched him like a china doll. He liked those, that hugged him tight and close, those hugs, that spoke of silent love and warmth. Jocelyn had hugged him the first day at the orphanage. Magnus had cried and she’d held him until he’d calmed down again. His mother had only ever held his face, stroked his cheekbones, had told him, that things would be okay. 

“Missing something doesn’t necessarily mean, that you’re also suffering.“ Out of a reflex, Magnus raised his hand to Alec’s hair, but stopped himself halfway. He always did it with Tessa, when she was upset, but Alec didn’t like it. 

“I know,“ Alec replied softly, his eyes trained on Magnus’ hand, which was still sort of hovering between them, because Magnus just wanted to do something, but didn’t know what yet. “But some do suffer from it.“ Alec grabbed Magnus’ hand, wrapped his fingers awkwardly around Magnus’, creating that by now well-known contrast between their skin tones, squeezing his fingers gently and put them down on the back of the couch together. The tension bled out of his face like rain disappearing into the ground, only leaving a vague memory behind of what had been. His eyes stayed on their joined hands as if it was an anchor he was scared of loosing if he’d look away.

“I know.“ The words were heavy on Magnus’ tongue, carrying a weight he didn’t really understand yet. His skin was especially sensitive, where Alec’s fingers touched it, where his fingertips drew absent-minded patterns. Then suddenly his face broke into a smile, that was half laughter, half desperation. 

“No, you don’t,“ Alec said with a voice, which told a story of exhaustion. “And I don’t either. We’re lying always when we say that, because when it comes to emotions, we know nothing most of the time. We’re both missing different things, we’ve missed different things, that the other will never understand. Nobody will ever understand … you’re forever going to be blind in that regard, and always alone with your heart and the real challenge in life is to accept that.“ Like caught in a trance, he intertwined their fingers and Magnus simply went along, caught and held in place by Alec’s voice. He was afraid to breath, afraid to let himself believe, that this was really happening. 

“We’re all blind from the start, Magnus, till the very end.“ A sarcastic smile, lined with dried tears was suddenly so very close, that Magnus could almost taste it right from Alec’s lips. Blue eyes were filled with exclamation marks, with silent screams. “It’s that one blindspot, we all have and nobody talks about.“ 

Magnus moved his thumb along the side of Alec’s hand with caution, but nothing changed. Alec’s smile grew wider and he squeezed Magnus’ fingers in response. So this kind of touch was okay. Alec wasn’t caught in a trance. His mind was awake, his every movement intentional, leaning towards Magnus because he wanted to. Their noses almost touched, when Magnus leaned forward as well and there was nothing left to look at than Alec’s eyes. 

“We’re doomed from the start,“ Alec whispered and his smile eventually began to fade, melt away like ice in the sun and snow in spring. His expression grew curious and open and vulnerable, raw and beautiful. His words were a cool breeze against Magnus’ face as he felt his own expression hardening, nut fully freezing, but close enough to reach right beneath his skin. 

“I know.“ And this time he really did. He had a lot of time to think about several things over these past years. He had heard phrases thrown at him a thousand times, at other orphans. He had learned the vocabulary of an orphan, had learned to differentiate between empty words and those that still failed, but at least really tried. He didn’t like either case though. “But if people survive without their eyesight, who am I to complain about a blindspot like that?“

Alec’s face glowed with surprise. He held Magnus’ free hand tight between his fingers while their handcuffed wrists hadn’t gotten any closer on the cushion they shared right now. The smile was back, but it was new and honest and bright like the sun. “Careful, I might end up liking you.“

Magnus’ throat ran dry and flames crawled across his skin when Alec released his hand again and leaned back as far as the handcuffs allowed him to go. Yeah, Magnus thought, we both miss different things and nobody will ever really understand just how much we crave what we miss’. But how was somebody else supposed to see, to understand, what he couldn’t even put into words himself. 

Downstairs a door was shut, steps sounded clear and sharp in the other hallway, then Tessa’s voice reached Magnus’ ears reminding him of the world around them, that it was still there, still spinning. 

“Please, you have to promise me, that you take good care of him, okay? And if something is wrong, you can always come back and ask me, Will and I know about his health conditions and … just … just be nice to him, okay? Make him smile a lot.“

The sound of fabric, a deep breath, that belonged to a deep but gentle voice. “Of course we will. And again, I’m sorry, that we can’t take all three of you.“  
Magnus could almost see Tessa shaking her head viciously as he turned to look at the staircase, that would lead them to the first floor. “No, don’t worry about us. It’s okay, we are going to be okay, but I trust you with Jem, okay?“

“We will look after him and make sure, that his health is treated properly.“ The voice of a woman joined and Magnus could see Alec looking at him from the corner of his eyes. 

“The couple, that wanted to adopt Jem the last time came back. He has an unstable health and needs special care. The orphanage has managed the basics so far, but it’s expensive and everybody was happy when a couple agreed to take him in despite his condition. I believe thy had to get some paperwork done, to get the adoption approved … more than usual.“

It should have been a happy day and yet, Magnus wasn’t feeling it. His heart was heavy and he was proud of Tessa, but he knew she would be crying later on. Alec leaned close to Magnus’ ear, while Magnus didn’t take his eyes off the staircase, that first step leading down or the last one leading upstairs. It was a question of perspective. 

“That’s why the piano would play a sad melody.“

And Magnus hated, that he agreed with him. 

-+-

“I mean, even if I would succeed in knocking you out, I’d still have the trouble of dragging your dead weight along,“ Alec noted one day, while they were in the bathroom. Magnus usually locked the door and then took off the handcuffs, so they could each take their shower either sitting down or awkwardly standing up in the slightly ancient bathtub. 

“Yeah, but if you’d knock me out right now for example, you could just grab the keys and walk out,“ Magnus remarked, looking up from the book they had to read for classes. Alec hadn’t started reading it yet, though that could have been due to the fact, that they had to share a copy and Magnus wasn’t big on reading out loud.   
“I’d be running into somebody outside and would have to knock them out as well, because by now everybody knows, that we are usually handcuffed to each other throughout the day. And then there’s still the thing about being out in the streets alone, where in some places people are very thrilled to speculate about you being gay,“ Alec explained grabbing the soap. “Although …“ He stared down at the lime green piece of soap before looking back up at Magnus again, who had raised a eyebrow, asking a silent question of ‘What?‘. “Do you think, I could actually knock you out with over a distance like that?“ Alec vaguely gestured at the space between them. 

“If you try, I’ll throw it right back at you - and I’m going to draw a mustache on you, when you’re asleep tonight,“ Magnus growled, but Alec simply shrugged. He had had worse things drawn in his face, when Jace once asked him about his honest opinion on a picture he’d drawn to impress some girl from an art school. To Alec’s defense though, Jace had known, that requesting an honest opinion from Alec always came with a certain danger, especially after the accident. His filter had never been very strong, but after that happened, he pretty much had thrown it out of the window. He had even managed to make a psychiatrist cry once, though Alec was still sure, that the meeting with him had simply been the start to break the camel’s back when it came to the poor guy’s composure. It hadn’t been a good day for either of them. 

“Wait, are you actually thinking about throwing it?“ Magnus’ shocked voice broke Alec out of his trance and he was glad about it. He blinked a few times and then shook his head slightly. 

“No,“ he muttered clearing his throat and dunking the soap into the water. “Just thinking about something.“ Memories could be pesky little things sometimes. But out of the corner of his eyes, he could still see Magnus looking at him skeptically. “Unless, of course, you really want me to try it.“ Alec gave him his most charming smile lifting the now wet soap in anticipation of actually throwing it. Magnus met his expression with an unimpressed glare.   
“No, I don’t. Why would I want that anyway?“

Alec just shrugged again and started soaping his arms. “Everybody got their kinks.“

“Also, you’re aware of the fact, that even if you’d manage to get out, you’d just get dragged back here, right?,“ Magnus noted matter-of-factly and held up the book he was reading like a weapon pointed at Alec’s chest. 

“I know, I know. And you would become an even more annoying shadow than you already are.“ Alec held up both hands defensively, though he was pretty sure, that the eye roll he added to the gesture, did not exactly help him to convey the earnestness of his statement. Still, Magnus ended up lowering the book again and Alec did the same with his hands. “But instead of threatening me, why don’t you tell me, what has happened so far in that charming book you’re reading at the moment?“ He put the soap on the edge of the bathtub, managing to balance it in a way, that it wouldn’t fall down, because bad things happened with soap on the ground of a bathroom. He did know that for a fact. Then he quickly dover underwater and looked at Magnus expectantly, when he came back up and pushed his soaking wet hair out of his face. 

“Guy didn’t get the girl yet, but he’s working on it,“ Magnus muttered, he eyes trained at Alec over the edge of the said book with an odd expression on his face; well, the part of the face, that Alec could see. 

“Shocking,“ Alec replied completely un-shocked. He managed to startle a real smile out of Magnus this way and found, that he was irrationally proud about that. I did that, he thought, I can make him smile. It was oddly important to him. “Can you hand me the shampoo, please? I forgot bringing it over before getting in.“ He stretched out one hand, while Magnus didn’t move an inch from the closed toilet seat he was sitting on. 

“I noticed and was wondering when you’d realize that.“ He grinned and Alec let his arm fall back into the water again. 

“And here I thought, we were having such a nice bonding moment.“ He sighed theatrically, putting a hand to his chest. “But still, would you be so nice?“

“Want me to throw it?“

“Okay, if you do that, I’m totally going to throw the soap, too.“

Magnus broke out into full laughter and Alec was reminded of their first time together in this bathroom. The other boy still reminded him of lightning, but by now it felt more like a compliment, than the first time. 

-+- 

It was the night between a Saturday and Sunday in September when tiny pebbles hit the window of the room Alec and Magnus shared and at first Alec thought somebody was knocking on the door. He was ready to curse at whoever had the bright idea of knocking in the middle of the night, but then he realized, that the sound was coming from the wrong direction. 

“Window?,“ he mumbled, having trouble keeping his eyes open, but then the next pebble - it was the only thing Alec could imagine making that kind of sound repeatedly - hit the shutters and Alec came to the conclusion, that he had to find out, what the source was or would end up punching the wall, when he tried to ignore it. Of course, sitting up didn’t work without waking up Magnus who blinked at him, muttering ‘What’s wrong?‘ with a voice heavy from sleep. His hair was sticking up in every direction and for like two seconds Alec was tempted to call him cute. The next pebble hit the window and the moment was over. 

Magnus sat up as well and as far as Alec could see his face in the dimness of the room, he looked as unamused as Alec felt. 

“I think, somebody is outside,“ Alec whispered, to which Magnus only raised an eyebrow. 

“No shit, Sherlock.“ 

They clumsily moved around the bed until they were both kneeling in front of the windowsill. Alec opened the window and hitting Magnus’ shoulder with it in the process was totally by accident. Then Magnus leaned forward and pushed the shutters open. Blinking into the surprisingly bright moonlight, they looked down searching for whoever was throwing the pebbles. Alec found the dark figure first, narrowing his eyes at the silhouette, who had halted in their movements, one arm raised and one foot put forward. Alec’s eyes got used to the light outside and then instantly grew wide with surprise. He heard Magnus mutter next to him:  
“Who the fuck-?“

“Jace?!“ Magnus slapped his hand over Alec’s mouth so fast, that he’d almost slapped him in the process, but Alec wasn’t even mad at him, or maybe he would be later, but for the moment, he was wide awake, staring down at his best friend standing the orphanage’s backyard looking as surprised as Alec felt. 

“You know him?,“ Magnus hissed and Alec nodded as good as that was possible with the other’s hand still covering his mouth. 

“Yeah, he … get your hand off-thank you. He’s my best friend, we got separated before I was sent to that other orphanage, which eventually dumped me here.“ He was talking to fast and his heart was beating faster, than it was definitely healthy, but for now he didn’t care. Magnus sighed. 

“So, ignoring him is not really an option.“ Alec glared at him and Magnus raised his free hand in defense. “Just a thought, okay? I’m not the biggest fan of people throwing pebbles at your window in the middle of the night.“

“Awww, and I thought, you were one of those people with a rough shell and a soft, romantic core.“

Apparently feeling ignored for too long, Jace took his chance with another pebble, which wasn’t stopped by the glass of the window and instead hit Magnus’ temple, who looked less an less amused by the second. “I already hate him.“

Alec rolled his eyes at him. “What a surprise. But is there a chance to get him inside? Then we can find out why he’s here and you can throw all the hateful glares at him, that you want … and the sooner he is inside, the sooner he is inside, the sooner you can get back to sleep.“

“Yeah, somehow I very much doubt that.“


	6. It's rain and wind and everything in between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace gets adopted ... sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write something again and feel oddly proud, let's see how long that lasts. :D  
> (Big thanks to warlocksass on tumblr for being the beta reader of this chapter, so you hopefully will have to deal with less typos than usual.)
> 
> Sidenote: Jocelyn and Valentine dated here, broke up, Clary is Jocelyn's and Luke's daughter, Jace is Valentines' son with another woman, no relation.

Alec and Jace had met on the street, both on their own escape route and both not looking where they were going, which ended with them running into each other, literally. Jace had been running from a single father, that got way too obsessed with his ex. Alec had been running from a foster father, who was way too obsessed with the idea of heterosexuality, so it was instantly easy for them to bond over terrible father figures and the desire to get something to eat. With their stomachs full with lukewarm noodles and a discussion about right and wrong and soy sauce later, they’d decided to become friends and that’s how everything had started. 

They had gotten separated several times, but their first goal had always been to get back to each other, no matter which orphanage they were brought to and which foster family they ended up in. Jace never gave his real name because he technically wasn’t an orphan which had turned into a fun game of ‚Guess who am I today?‘ and they started trying to get away with the weirdest names, if only to annoy the hell out of advisors across the board. 

As they now helped Jace climbing through the window, which was aided by their blanket and constantly commentated by Magnus’ grumbling in the background, Alec was reminded of that one time they’d climbed the roof of a garage to escape a very persistent dog. He felt guilt growing in his chest at not having tried harder to look for Jace, to get out of this orphanage like he’d done it before quite a number of times. When Jace reached the windowsill, he remained there for a few moments, his eyes trying to get used to the dark room and himself trying to properly finding his balance on said windowsill. His blond hair was a mess, his cheeks were red from the cold air outside, but his eyes were shining and awake and Alec realized how much he had missed him. 

They looked at each other for a few silent moments, both uttering a silent „Hey“ and the next thing, Alec knew was Jace throwing himself at him, causing to almost fall off the bed. Magnus was the one, that actually fell, but for now Alec was just busy hugging his best friend the best he could with one hand because Magnus’ departure from the bed, also reminded him painfully of the handcuffs tying them together.  

“God, I’m so happy, you are alive and fine and well and everything, Alec.“ Jace pressed a kiss to the side of Alec’s head and sat back up again, grinning down at him wide and bright like the moon outside. “Now tell me, why you didn’t at least try to get a message through to me, while being here, you asshole?“ The grin didn’t waver and Alec felt his own lips stretching into one. 

“What? I thought, you loved the sense of adventure?”, he responded mockingly. 

Jace threw his head back dramatically. “Of course, I do, but only with you by my side, loyal knight, and not when it’s about finding your lazy ass in the middle of nowhere.“ A familiar warmth pooled in Alec’s chest and long lost laughter bubbled in his throat, but the moment they were having, was cut short by Magnus discreetly clearing his throat, while the glare he sent Jace was anything but discreet, Alec noted when he turned his head to his new roommate and handcuff-friend. 

“I hate to interrupt your reunion, but could you maybe move your asses a bit, so I can get at least get back on the bed and we close the window and … you know, discuss whatever this is.“ His glare turned into exasperation as Jace ended up just looking at him with raised eyebrows and Alec almost expected Magnus to start hissing, like an annoyed cat, that got petted one too many times. But then Jace’ gaze wandered down from Magnus’ face to his outstretched arm and eventually landing on the handcuffs connecting him and Alec. Alec could almost hear the gears in his head turning as he understood why Magnus was still sitting next to the bed in a rather awkward way, instead of getting up and doing something about his position. 

“Did I interrupt something?“, Jace whispered at Alec without taking his eyes off the handcuffs. „If so, I’m super sorry about that.“ He looked back up at Magnus, trying his most understanding smile. “Should I maybe wait in the hallway? Or next door? I really don’t want to climb back down …“ Turning back at Alec, he added: “The next bus arrives in about two hours, so maybe just keep that in mind.“

Alec was pretty sure, that Magnus was close to jumping Jace and strangling him. He chalked it up, that Magnus hadn’t done so yet, to the late hour and the fact, that more noise would raise the risk of waking up others downstairs. 

Magnus hissed “There’s nothing going on here apart from you disturbing my sleep.“ at the same time, that Alec smacked Jace’ thigh, signaling him to get his ass off of him. Jace did, though not taking his eyes off Magnus as the other climbed back on the bed, definitely jerking on the handcuffs in the process more than what was absolutely necessary, but for once Alec didn’t comment on it. He simply smiled and yanked at them once, when he sat up himself, making Magnus sway sideways and earning a deathglare himself. The other might have been an early riser, but that only made him twice as murderous during the night, when he wasn’t allowed to sleep. Alec noted that as one of many points in his survival guide for the future.

“Jace, this is Magnus“, Alec explained pointing at the most accurate impersonation of the words ‘bad mood‘ he had seen in a while. “Magnus, this is Jace. No killing, I like him and already being handcuffed does not help, when I’ll try to convince the police of my innocence.“ 

Magnus raised one eyebrow as he slowly turned his head to look at Alec. “Why should I care for either of those things?“

“Because deep down you are a good person,“ Alec responded with a confidence, that surprised himself probably more than it impressed Magnus based on his still murderous glare. Eventually  Alec just rolled his eyes and yanked at the hand, that made the handcuffs jingle. “Come on, you survived being around me the whole time-“

“Yes,“ Magnus exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, which dragged Alec’s hand along with them. “But now there’s apparently two of you.“

“Oh, you want me handcuffed, too?“ Jace chimed in and Alec instantly yelled “Not happening! It’s tough enough to have him around the whole time!“ while pointing at Magnus, wo which Magnus sent him an affronted look that Alec straight up ignored.

“Excuse me? If you hadn’t tried to jump out of the window, we wouldn’t even be in this situation right now, okay? And if anybody needs compensation for this situation, it is me, don’t you think?“

“What do you mean by that?“ Alec eventually gave in and looked back at Magnus, very aware of the growing interest on Jace’ face. 

“Since our relationship started, I was pushed down stairs, head-butted, left in the rain-“

“You liked the rain.“

“Not the point, pretty boy.“

During their heated exchange, Alec and Magnus had gotten closer and closer, so their noses were touching and if looks could kill, they’d both be piles of ashes by now. Both pressed their lips into thin lines and just kept staring at each other angrily. There was a shift in the mood at this point. Something in the air grew tense and cold. After a few more moments, Magnus’ eyes flitted from Alec to Jace and back again. An expression, which Alec couldn’t quite read moved across the other’s face before he leaned back, all calm and collected and with a perfect mask back in place. 

“He is the reason, you wanted to leave so desperately, right?“ His words had edges, that Alec wasn’t used from Magnus. He always had a sharp tongue, he could yell and be dangerously calm, but this was different.

“Yes,“ Alec whispered and he was surprised at the softness of his own voice. He felt tired and empty, everything that had lit his nerves on fire just moments ago was gone, too far away to reach. They had promised to always keep looking for each other, to never forget, that whenever they weren’t with each other, one of them was walking the streets on their own. It was even a promise sworn with blood, because they made it after Alec had that unfortunate confrontation with that knife in an alleyway. When you were alone on the street, you were at an disadvantage, like in the ocean, like in the wild. If you weren’t a predator big enough, dangerous enough, you were screwed, most of the time. One of the few chances you had to survive were to team up with those you could trust. 

Alec wondered if he had broken that promise to Jace by staying at the orphanage, by not trying to break those handcuffs or by not throwing that soap the other day. Jace didn’t seem that upset though, he’d have to ask him at a later point, but as he was looking at Magnus, Alec felt like something else had been broken this night. He only saw shards of it, but couldn’t put them back together because he had no idea what it had been before or if he even had been the one to break it.    
    
“So, what are you two geniuses expecting to do outside then? After this? I mean, you-“ He pointed half-heartedly at Jace. “You came here to get Alec out, right? To save him, get on the bus and then what?“ Magnus’ eyes were tired. It was late and Alec felt exhaustion gnawing on his own bones. 

“Survive together,“ Jace replied with heartbreaking simplicity. “We always do. And some day, we will find a place, where we can stay. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week, maybe in two years from now.“ Words Alec knew so well, he could loose everything else, he wouldn’t forget them. 

The street was a cruel teacher. If you had bad luck, a week outside could bring you to your breaking point more than once, or close to it. To survive, you couldn’t break, you weren’t allowed to break, because if you did, the street would swallow you whole and leave nothing behind. So you set a goal and make it your core, cling to it, when everything else would go dark, never let go, and you could always manage to come out on the other side, especially, when you had somebody by your side to pull you through.

“But what’s wrong with staying here, until you found a place in the world?“ Something shone through in Magnus’ words, that made Alec look at him, really look, Something shone through that mask, he’d put up earlier, something had made it brittle and flaky. 

“Orphanages are bad places for us,“ Jace said like it was obvious and Alec realized, that it was - for them. Jace could only stay at one until the staff figured out, he hadn’t given them his real name and Alec attracted problems like a mad magnet, not helped by the fact, that he had that type of looks, that made people go ‘Awwwww‘ in the most inopportune situations. They never worked, when he actually needed them to work in his favor and Alec often felt personally offended by his own reflection due to that. 

“This is not a bad place.“ If he had had the opportunity, Alec was sure, Magnus would have crossed his arms like a stubborn child to underline his statement and a part of Alec would have loved to see that. “The people here are not bad.“ Magnus took a deep breath, raising his hands, but letting them fall down again with an expression of exasperation on his face after being reminded of the restricting handcuffs. “But if you disappear in the dark of the night, it will fall back on this place, on the people working here - they don’t deserve that.“

Alec had developed a dislike for adults over the past few years and if he was honest since the death of his parents, he hadn’t met any that he had liked so far. He had seen that sad look one too many times, but when he thought about the day, he had tried to climb out of exactly that window, they were now sitting in front of - which was still open, by the way - and how Jocelyn had been scared, had been worried, had been relieved when had been back inside again. The day, Alec had made it through one breakfast downstairs with the others without throwing something against the wall or other people, she had almost hugged him. He had seen her comforting Tessa the day, Jem had been adopted. He had seen many other moment, that he only now realized had happened. 

Without a word, he raised his free hand, reached behind Jace’ back and pushed the window close, cutting off the cool breeze and locking out the pale moonlight and the sound of clouds moving across the sky. Maybe they could try. He was just about to say something to Jace, suggest, that one or two days wouldn’t hurt anybody, when his friend, who hadn’t moved his eyes away from Magnus since those last words, suddenly asked:

“Do you feel like those, that leave, judge you for staying?“ He asked that question and honest with curiosity. It was same tone, he’d used with Alec, when they’d first met and it was the exact reason, why Alec had decided to tell him about the day his family had died, instead of threatening to cut him, should he ever ask again. By the look on Magnus’ face though, it seemed rather obvious, that the other was wired differently and totally ready to threaten Jace with everything he had for asking that question. 

Fortunately, or not, in that exact moment the door to their room was open and as there was no way to hide or escape whatever meeting was about to happen, the three of them simply sat on the bed, staring at the door like deers caught in the headlights, or Jocelyn’s flashlight in this case. She was wearing a robe, her hair done up in a messy bun and reading glasses sitting low on her nose. 

“Hey, guys, I thought, I heard shouting from somewhere around here, is everything okay with-“ Only then did her light hit Jace and she grew aware of the third person on the bed. Her mouth fell open and she reached out with one hand to support herself on the doorframe. “You,“ she whispered with an undertone, that was kind of hoarse. 

“Me?“, Jace tried, confusion written all over his face. Magnus shared that sentiment as he even forgot to look annoyed for a moment, sending Alec a questioning look, who couldn’t do more than shrug helplessly. 

“You,“ Jocelyn repeated and took a step further into the room, squinting at Jace over the rim of her glasses, and something in Jace’ face change.  

“Me.“ He swallowed heavily. “Oh, I’m having the worst version of a déja-vu ever.“

Alec narrowed his eyes at him, whispering: “What do you mean?“ and when Jace turned to look at him, his friend was paler than before and it had nothing to do with the crappy lighting. 

“Red hair,“ Jace stage-whispered and his voice shook with the kind of fear, he’d shown the last time, when they’d thought, they were in the same shop as Jace’ father. “Red hair, Alec. Red hair.“

Alec’s eyes grew wide, when he remembered the sort of code, they had used during not the most glorious period of Jace’ non-existent love-life. “Art student?“, he whispered back frantically and Jace simply mouthed ‘I’m going to die‘.

“You two are aware, that she can hear you, right?“, Magnus mentioned matter-of-factly with a voice dry as the dessert. Alec noted absent-mindedly, that there was something oddly attractive about it, but didn’t dwell on it. He looked at Jocelyn, trying to gauge her reaction to seeing Jace again. She looked conflicted, but just like Magnus, she also looked pretty tired. In the end, she simply sighed, shook her head and muttered:

“We’re going to discuss that in the morning. Magnus, please make sure, that this guy doesn’t leave before we had a chance to talk.“ And with that, she turned around and left the room, carefully shutting the door behind her. Alec, Magnus and Jace were left in a whole new dimension of silence and it was threefold: exhaustion, fear and cautious curiosity. 

“Are you going to explain, what just happened or do you want me to guess?“ Magnus eventually broke the silence, raising an eyebrow and making Alec smile, which made him feel warm and fuzzy and weird all over again. Jace sighed dramatically. Then he did it a second time and a third one, and with each sigh, Magnus’ expression got a little bit more strained. 

“She has a daughter, right?“, Alec tried to help his friend out, putting a comforting hand on the other’s shoulder, while looking at Magnus, who silently nodded in response to the question. “Well, Jace knows that daughter.“ Alec let the rest of the statement hang in the air between them, hoping, that he wouldn’t have to spell it out. He wasn’t sure, how much he was allowed to share about that time, when Jace once tried out drawing and it ended with Alec having written ‘U suck‘ across his forehead for three days. Permanent markers, that held true to that advertisement sucked big time. 

Luckily, or not, Magnus put enough of the pieces together, to figure out the general story behind the encounter with Jocelyn just now. His murderous glare returned and it was a very refreshing experience to not be at the receiving end of it for once, and by now even twice. It was an odd feeling, too. Alec had to admit, he felt somewhat left out. 

“Did you do anything to her?“, he growled, but Jace raised his chin in defiance. 

“Apart from falling in love, making a fool out of myself, being miserable and eating too much ice cream I didn’t do anything!“ 

“You tried drawing.“

“Yes, and if I remember correctly, we decided to never speak of it again, didn’t we, Alec?“

Out of the corner of his eye, Alec saw Magnus shaking his head softly, smiling absent-mindedly. ‘Sorry‘, he mouthed at Jace, who silently replied ‘Love you, too‘. 

They ended up deciding not to stress this topic and Jace deciding, that talking about past crushes and almost-relationships wasn’t good for his health. Magnus decided not to switch the handcuffs from Alec to Jace and Alec decided, that he didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about that. Around 7 am they collectively decided, that the bed was too small for three people. Around 8 am, Alec was the last one to be awake and he decided, that what he felt with Magnus next to him and Jace starfishing across both of them, was content.

-+-

Jace had had one serious crush in his young life so far. One time, when he could have seen things going further, than before. One time, that he had seen a possible future. It had been full of color, old brushes, fresh paint, stinky oil and million kinds of paper, that he couldn’t  remember the many differences of. There had been red hair and a smile he adored. It had been within his reach, the beautiful sketch of a life with enough space for Alec in it as well if he wanted to. Then it had been shattered like nothing more than colored glass, sparkling and worthless on the floor. 

“So,“ Jocelyn sighed as Jace took place in front of her desk in the little office down the hallway on the first floor. “Do you want to tell me, how you ended up in the bed with Magnus and Alec last night or is this the part, where you cloud yourself in silence?“ It was clear, that she was expecting a certain form of reaction, that she had been in this situation before. But Jace found, that he didn’t want to put up an act. He had run from this part of his past, not as much as other things, but still … and now he had smacked into it with full force again. The impact had left him tired, feeling raw and insecure. 

“You don’t like me,“ he started softly, “I can understand that and I’m not expecting you to suddenly like me, or give me a second chance and-“ 

“Why are you here?“, Jocelyn interrupted him carefully. She leaned a bit forward across her desk, like trying to get a closer look of whatever mess just played across Jace’ face. It wasn’t an angry or annoyed interruption. Parts of the hard facade, she had had up earlier, fell down and left behind a woman, who had dealt with difficult kids before, but also just with kids and teenagers in general. Maybe it was a peace offering, maybe she was just playing nice, Jace didn’t know. 

“I came for Alec.“ He licked his lips nervously and tried to find another place to look at then Jocelyn’s eyes. “We’re friend, you know? We got separated. And he was brought an orphanage in - well, the city, but when I reached that one, he … he was already sent here.“ 

Jocelyn just looked at him. Jace felt a constant buzzing on his skin, but somewhere deep inside there was a feeling of stubbornness rising. This had already been set in motion, so why not roll with it? Be honest and see, where it gets you. Be honest, well, to a degree, no reason to become self-destructive. “Do you have a place to stay?“

“We … yes.“ He thought of an old storage building, he’d noticed on his way through the city. They could crash there before moving on. They would find a place, they always did. 

“So ‘no‘,“ Jocelyn replied matter-of-factly. Jace stayed silent and she leaned back in her chair. “You’re homeless, too?“ Her eyes had that question ‘Have you been homeless back then, too?‘ ready to be asked and Jace dreaded the moment, he’d have to answer that one with ‘yes‘, too.

“Yeah.“

“What about your parents?“

“My mother is dead.“ Jace looked down at his hands folded in his lap. He fingernails were dirty and the right sleeve of his sweater was torn. His mother had died the night he’d been born. There had been enough time by now to work through that, mourning a woman he’d never known more of, than that his father had hopefully loved her once. He wasn’t quite ready to talk about his father though, not in this context at least. 

“What about your father?“ Jocelyn’s voice was cautious, like a scalpel performing a risky surgery, dreading the cut, but knowing it had to be done. “Is he dead, too?“

‘I wish he was.‘ “No.“ Jace took a deep, shuddering breath. His heart was beating nervously, ready to fall out of rhythm anytime. He had to say something, had to say more than just that because otherwise it would just be the ‘then why are you here and not at home?‘-cycle all over again. His situation couldn’t be explained with easy pictures, that others would immediately understand and empathize with. It was more subtle, darker and evil. “But he’s …“ Jace took another deep breath. He was hurting, every syllable cutting his bones and turning him back into a scared child, that couldn’t comprehend, what he knew now. “He’s …“ The words were weights on his shoulders, so he tried to ease that weight by leaning a bit forward across the table, maybe if he didn’t say it too loud, the cuts wouldn’t hurt that much.

“He’s a … he’s  … not nice.“

Something shifted in Jocelyn’s eyes and it helped with the weight on Jace’ shoulders.

“He’s a bad person?“, she asked, her voice soft as feathers. Jace nodded. Jocelyn nodded. And that was that.

He left it at that point, because his skin was already from the pain of memories, and while Jocelyn stayed silent, Jace could hear Alec’s voice in the back of his mind. ‘Bullshit, your dad isn’t just a bad person, he’s a monstrosity, he’s evil and never ever feel guilty for ditching that asshole, okay?‘ 

Of course, Valentine had reported his son missing to the police, there had been a concerned message they played over the radio, and Jace had never heard his father’s voice so raw and worried and close to tears and he had wondered, what if he was really missing him? What if things weren’t that bad after all? What if he had just needed that moment of Jace not being around to realize how much he missed and loved his son? What if? 

But Alec had held him close and told him, if your father hit you once, he will hit you twice. And Jace had already been way past that second time before he’d finally run. No, he had decided, he wouldn’t go back because being with his father was scary, being with Alec was nice. Yes, Alec had been nice and had been there. 

“Did you really like her?“ Jace’ head snapped up at the sudden change in topic and only then did he realize his tense muscles and the cold sweat running down his back. Jocelyn hadn’t moved. They were still leaving close to each other. “My daughter?“

“Yes,“ Jace said with big eyes because it was the first truth, that didn’t hurt as much as the others. “She’s amazing. I really wanted to spend more time with her, but-“ The pain was back and Jace saw the scene play out before his eyes like in a bad movie, the cheesy kind with all the stupid misunderstandings, with life being unfair, but it had never reached that Happy End. “But he was there.“

“He?“, Jocelyn whispered back, and by now they were two kids exchanging secrets, that would have other adults roll their eyes, but they didn’t care because sometimes secrets were darker than anybody could imagine. “Where was he?“

“At the vernissage.“ 

At the end of each year, the school held an exhibition with the best works of different classes and of course a few of Clary’s paintings had been among them. She had been so excited and she’d worn a dress so beautiful, Jace had temporarily questioned if she was indeed real. He had seen her from the window, when he’d of course been late. They had planned to meet in the garden behind the school, he’d even managed to get a rose from somewhere, but then his father had been there, all class and charm in a suit, with a tie and a smile. He’d congratulated Clary, mentioned how he’d been glad about his decision to donate money for one of the many art programs of the school. 

And Jace’s world had shattered. He had been reminded of the cancer his father was, how he would invade anything, how he had money for everything, how he had the right smile for everyone. And Jocelyn had been there, too…

“You shook his hand.“ Jace’ voice became hoarse and his eyes were burning, his insides were raw with desperation and once again, did he want to hate the world. 

“I shook a lot of hands that evening. If you could give me a name… ?“ It was an offer, he didn’t have to take, but he did it anyway. 

“Valentine.“ He felt sick and sad and scared out of his mind. His heart was racing and every second he expected his father to appear in the door, demanding to take him home, being so overjoyed to have his son back, holding him only little too close, hugging him a little too tight. But it didn’t happen. What happened was, that Jocelyn’s eyes grew big and she jumped up from her chair. 

“Your father is Valentine Morgenstern?“ Her voice was so full of shock and disbelief and something else, that Jace didn’t know how to handle it. He didn’t give an answer and apparently just fine by not saying anything. “That guy is your father?“

“Please don’t call him,“ Jace begged as he found his voice again, but Jocelyn only fiercely shook her head. 

“Not a chance he’s going to get his hands on you, you’re going to stay here even if I have to adopt you myself.“

Jace was stunned into silence. It felt like talking to Alec and as he looked at Jocelyn staring back at him with a determination, that he’d never seen before, he began to wonder if this was what it felt like to have a mother. 

-+-

 Alec and Magnus sat on the short staircase leading down to the yard behind the orphanage while they waited for Jace to come back out of Jocelyn’s office. It wasn’t cold, but not really warm either that day, so they had taken one of the fluffy blankets they kept in the room with the only TV for movie nights. Both had been too lazy to go through the trouble of taking off the handcuffs to get warmer sweaters. So, for now they were huddled underneath the blanket and looked out over the yard, keeping an eye on some of the kids throwing a frisbee from one end to the other and occasionally hitting innocently bystanding bushes. 

“Do you think, he’s going to be okay?“ Alec asked without looking at Magnus. 

“She’s not going to eat him,“ was Magnus’ response and yes, he could see how that probably wasn’t the most helpful thing to say, but as he couldn’t judge the history between Jocelyn and Jace properly or anything else about his way till this point, he couldn’t really say for sure, what was going to happen. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Alec turning his head to look at him. He could practically feel the raised eyebrow and the annoyed glare, so he decided not to look back. Alec had a vicious way to judge with his eyes. 

“Your social skills sometimes seriously suck, you know that?“, Alec muttered and Magnus couldn’t find a reason to argue with that. 

“I know.“

Their handcuffed hands lay on the ground between them. They never held hands on that side and for a moment Magnus wondered why that was the case. 

“Mine are pretty bad, too, though, so I guess you’re in good company,“ Alec remarked cheerfully, but there was something off about his voice, the cheerful tone was like plastic instead of metal. Cheap plastic. Magnus raised his eyes from the handcuffs, squinting at Alec, whose face fell as he started chewing on his lower lip. 

“What’s up?“ he asked. 

Alec clenched his hands into fists, the one on the ground, just like the one holding one side of the blanket. “Am I really that bad to be with?“ he muttered, adding a sigh that Magnus couldn’t read. 

“Well, you’re not necessarily easy to be with the whole time …,“ he began slowly, but was almost instantly interrupted by Alec throwing his free hand into the air, which caused the blanket to slip from his shoulder. 

“Yes, I know, but am I really that terrible … still, I mean, as terrible as …“ He stopped there and after watching his helpless expression for a few moments, Magnus softly added:

“As terrible as I said before?“ Alec nodded and it felt painful. 

“I mean, you … you did like the rain, right?“ His voice was unusually timid and his whole being suddenly seemed expectedly vulnerable.  “That wasn’t a … not the whole day was bad, right? The … the rain was … nice.“

Magnus began to understand the whole weight of his earlier words. He realized, how easy it was for him to fall back into that motion of defending himself with being offensive, but what had he been defending himself against? Against Alec? Against Jace? He had felt attacked, yes, but by what? Against the idea of Alec having a friend, that he actually got along with … and it not being Magnus? Looking down that path was scary and it was a dark path, too. 

Jace had asked him last night, if he felt judged for staying by those who left this place, left it without him. And maybe that was true. Maybe Magnus still hadn’t managed to work through the fact, that he wouldn’t get adopted before turning eighteen. Bad things happened to those, that came late. His father had taught him that, and whether or not was something true, it still resonated within him. Magnus always tried his best to be on time, even if it meant, that he was two hours early, sometimes just because the mere thought of the possibility to be late to certain appointments scared him to death. He was on time, whenever its was possible. 

But he was too late for an adoption. He was too old by now and whenever somebody else got adopted, there was this faint image of his father looking down at him, hissing ‘you should have been on time‘. But he had been there, at the orphanage, he had been there all those years, but - it felt like he’d missed a train and he was still standing on a station, being upset at the fact, that his side had been abandoned. He couldn’t move before turning eighteen, but nobody would come for him before that. Nobody would come for him like Jace had come for Alec. 

“I’m sorry,“ he whispered. “And you’re right, the rain was nice,“ he whispered. He was rewarded by a brilliant smile, but he wasn’t done yet. “I’m sorry, that I hurt you, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I couldn’t stand you. I … You’re not that bad.“ Alec’s smile turned from brilliant to proud. His eyes shone and there were crinkles around his eyes, that spoke of happiness and not age. Then he leaned closer and Magnus felt his heart beating in his ears. 

“You’re not that bad, either.“

“Thank you.“

Jace chose that moment to walk through the door behind them and the moment was broken, but it left a pleasant buzz behind and Magnus didn’t feel like hating Jace anymore either. But when he looked at the other boy, he was instantly overcome by a very honest worry. Jace was pale and his eyes didn’t seem to really see his surroundings. He blinked at Magnus and Alec sitting on the second highest step of the short staircase and it seemed like it took him a while to recognize them.

“Hey,“ he said, his voice weak like his constitution appeared to be.

“Oh god, Jace, are you okay?“ Alec raised halfway from the staircase, moving closer to Magnus, to offer Jace the place on his other side. Jace allowed Alec to pull him down onto the stairs. He rubbed his face with both hands while Alec busied himself with spreading the blanket over his best friend, too. Magnus helped as good as that was possible from his side. 

“What happened?“ he eventually asked, but held back with further inquiries, when Jace held up his hand in a defensive gesture. 

“Just give me a moment, okay? Just a moment,“ he mumbled as he raised his head again. “I just need a moment.“ Then he turned towards Alec, leaning his head on the other’s shoulder, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “This is so messed up.“

Alec smiled down at him, hugging him with one arm and rubbing his shoulder with his free hand, while whispering “That’s life.“ 

Following a sudden feeling, Magnus put his chin on Alec’s other shoulder and added:

“Yeah, but we survived it so far, so we’re also pretty damn awesome, I would say.“ It startled a smile out of both of them, so Magnus counted that as a success. Maybe he wasn’t standing at a station somewhere, waiting for a train, maybe he was in a train, that simply hadn’t reached the right station yet.


	7. In the Deep of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some truths come out and other stuff comes off ... 
> 
> (I'm a genius at chapter summaries, I know.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! Yeah, this one was really a serious hurdle, and it's not even that long or that exciting, I would guess. But yeah, here we are. 
> 
> Thanks again to all you patient, lovely people. I hope you like this chapter. And yes, i am still writing, I had a short crisis of 'Maybe I should quit FF-writing' along the way, but I decided against it.
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 7: In the Deep of the Night

Magnus had made the decision, that Jace was okay. He was a bit like a cloud on a sunny day. It would block the sun temporarily, but in general the weather would stay warm and therefore the blocked sunlight wasn't that big of an issue. Magnus even got used to the random questions around midnight, that came out of nowhere and didn't lead anywhere either. He himself had weird thoughts sometimes, wondered about random things. No big deal. Annoying, yes, but he could live with that.

What Magnus had a problem with, was Alec's willingness to discuss said questions in the middle of the night, because in his opinion, the question whether or not pigeons could have nightmares wasn't exactly his number one priority. The same could be said for the last names of clowns, the hidden meaning behind companies naming furniture or whether or not numbers had feelings. Apparently Alec's priorities were different and more aligned with Jace' random spurts of random interests.

"I mean, I'm pretty sure, that cats dream," Jace said right then and Magnus groaned into his pillow. "You remember the cat, that lived in that one church? How the whiskers always shook, when it was sleeping? That had to have been a dream. Maybe even a nightmare."

Magnus felt Alec shift next to him, but he wasn't in the mood to look up from the darkness of his pillow. A small part of him sort of hoped, that their conversation would fade into the background and only provide a form of white noise for Magnus to fall asleep to.

"Yeah, but pigeons are not exactly that closely related to cats, don't you think?," Alec wondered and Magnus was pretty sure, that the picked the hand chained to Magnus' on purpose to rub his chin with. "I also still think, naming that cat 'Church' wasn't the most brilliant thing you ever came up with."

To his own surprise Magnus snorted at that, and judging by the following silence, it was to the surprise of his two roommates as well. He only slightly turned his head to the side to peek at Alec and Jace with one eye from the depths of his pillow, which he was sharing with Alec, too. "That poor cat", he muttered, not quite able to get rid of the grin on his face.

Jace lifted his head to glare at him. "There's nothing wrong with the name, okay? The cat lived in a church, you call it Church. It's not like he had a name tag or anything. And what else would you have suggested?"

"The great Catsby," Magnus deadpanned. The school library had added the book last year in a new edition and Magnus adored the cover design. Next to him, Alec sounded like he was choking on something, which Magnus eventually understand as the attempt to hold in laughter. It filled him with a certain pride, that he tried not to let it go to his head.

"That is so cheesy," Jace huffed on the other side of the bed and let his head fall down onto the pillow again. They only had one pillow, Magnus remembered, so he was sharing one with Jace, too.

"Still more inventive than 'Church'," Alec muttered between them. He probably instantly regretted it, as Jace poked his finger into Alec's side making him squeal in shock and wriggling, pushing himself even more against Magnus, as Jace continued his attack. It was warm and fuzzy and left Magnus in a sort of haze, that was only broken, when he only barely saved himself from falling out of the bed. He reached across Alec to grab Jace' hand, effectively stoping the tickling. HIs other, free hand was forcefully wrapped around the edge of the bed.

"I would very much like to remain in the bed and not sleep on the floor or even kiss the floor again," he explained to Jace' questioning gaze and tried to ignore the very close contact of Alec's body and the other's heavy breathing agains the side of his neck, at the same time. While the handcuffed hand held Jace' hand and forcefully dragged Alec's hand along, he used his free hand to awkwardly pat Magnus' side, followed by a breathless:

"Thank you." That was definitely not something to cause goosebumps breaking out on Magnus skin, not at all.

Jace took his hand back and muttered an apology as he settled down in the place between Alec and the wall again. Alec on the other hand stayed where he was, pressed close to Magnus, his gaze glued to Jace' hands in remaining suspicion, while his own hand kept absentmindedly stroking Magnus' side. And as maybe pleasant/endearing/something completely different Magnus found that, it didn't change the fact, that his other hand started cramping in the attempt to keep holding onto the edge of the bed. He so planned on sleeping against the wall the next time. That way, he could just push Jace out of the bed, when he'd begin that late night quiz show again. But for now, he cleared his throat awkwardly, trying to bring Alec's attention to what needed to be done.

"Uh, Alec? I don't want to interrupt your staring contest over there, but maybe -"

Alec turned his face halfway to Magnus. Then he became aware of the situation and in an almost embarrassed panic moved away from Magnus. In his eagerness though, he knocked Jace in the face with his elbow, to which Jace poked his side again, Alec shrieked back, hitting their heads against each other, which lead to a kick of Magnus' foot against Alec's leg and ended with Jace being pressed against wall, Magnus half on his stomach, one arm pulled across Alec, who had his legs entangled with both of them; something Magnus would have never thought possible.

"I feel like we need a bigger bed," Jace offered with the voice of an overly attentive shop assistant.

"We don't have bigger beds," Magnus growled. He felt cold in a weird kind of way and it aggravated him, but the anger wasn't directed at the other two guys in the room, more at himself, and it didn't make any sense. Alec just let out a huge breath, but stayed silent otherwise.

The conclusion, that three people were simply too much for this bed hung above them like a dark cloud, but none of them wanted to inhale the smog by saying it out loud. Magnus had thought about it several times since Jace had arrived at the orphanage and was here to stay as it turned out. Alec had become calmer since then, had made less comments about leaving or how he disliked having to stay at the orphanage. It was quite clear, that his earlier determination was directly linked to his desire to find Jace again, to get back to his friend. Now that friend was here, would stay with him, where they had a roof over their heads and a warm meal each day.

There was no need for Magnus to stay handcuffed to Alec. He didn't have to police Alec anymore and with the sleeping arrangement slowly becoming unbearable for Magnus' taught nerves, he finally made the decision to take the handcuffs off in the morning. Alec and Jace could stay in this room upstairs, Magnus would move back downstairs, back to his old life, which sounded weird and heartbreaking at the same time. It felt the same way, too.

"But taken the possibility of pigeons having nightmares: What kind of nightmares would they have?"

Magnus was too tired to even get upset at this continuation of the former conversation.

"Being fed gluten free bread?"

Though his body wasn't too exhausted for his lips to break into a broad grin at Alec's dead serious answer. He was glad for the darkness hiding his expression, for the possibility to hide his face in the pillow, as it felt much too private of an emotion to share easily.

-+-

"You're breaking up with me?"

Magnus let his hands fall down to the table with exasperation, but Alec didn't really care about that, his attention was held by the little key in Magnus' hand. He knew that key, he had thought about wrestling it free from Magnus' grip before, stealing it and opening the handcuffs himself to get out of this forced deal they had going on. But now, when Magnus was actually willing to take the handcuffs of, it felt a tiny bit like he was rejecting Alec, which was stupid, sure, but still.

"What? No!" Magnus' voice wild with confusion pulled Alec back from his internal chaos. "And we aren't even dating. How could I be breaking up with you?"

"According to that kid in our class, you know, that seat in front of me, we're married."

Magnus shot him his best 'Are you kidding me?'-look, but Alec didn't back down. There was a sudden urgency cursing through his veins at the mere prospect of not being handcuffed to Magnus anymore. It was the most surreal experience he'd ever had.

"Yes, and that same kid was convinced the headmaster was leading a dark cult or something last year. And may I remind you, that the word 'marriage' was brought into that kid's mind by you, mister." Magnus raised his free hand, which was holding the small key and jabbed it half-heartedly against Alec's chest. "Now, quit making a fuss about this. I'm taking these off. " He reached down again, put the key in the keyhole, turned it and the handcuffs fell off. Alec felt cold and empty, a bit like a pouting child as well. "And you'll be free to roam the place on your own, even go to the bathroom without supervision."

"Oh, you're so kind."

Magnus took the handcuffs away and took off the cloth, they had wrapped around their wrists to protect the skin beneath the metal. Reluctantly Alec did the same. He felt Magnus' eyes on him, but kept gaze down focused on the traces the cloth had left on his wrist. There were no serious marks, just visible reminders of the folds in the fabric, a bit red.

"Simply keep in mind, that I will probably hunt you down personally if you try to get away again." Magnus stood up, put both hands on top of the table between them and leaned forward, staring Alec down the best he could. "Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir," Alec replied with his best military impression, the dead serious expression included, and even managed a small salute without hitting Magnus in the face. They stared at each other for a few seconds after that and like Alec himself, Magnus didn't seem too eager to break the intense eye contact, they had built. After a moment, Alec was a bit worried, that Magnus was trying to control his annoyance or rage at Alec's mocking response, but then he noticed how the corner of Magnus' mouth twitched. The other was holding back a smile, which instantly affected Alec, who struggled with keeping his lips in a straight line himself. He slowly put his hand down again, still looking at Magnus, and noticed, how suddenly the mood between them completely changed.

The tension of Alec's expression melted away and slipped right down into his chest, where it grabbed his heart and held it tight. Magnus' face changed as well. His eyes grew softer, but his expression became somehow more distant than before. The air had felt much warmer, when there had been the mock-anger, the strict lines and that barely concealed smile, whose edges Alec had almost been able to touch, had he chosen to do so. They had been closer, but now their masks had slipped away, were misplaced just a bit and something had become uncovered.

Alec's chest ached with the desire to reach out, trying to pull back the warmth from before.

"Just stay out of trouble for a bit longer. Do you think, you can manage that?" Magnus' voice was soft and quiet and timid, like there was something between those words, that he didn't want to pierce by speaking too loud, too fast.

The ache in Alec's chest became painful, the skin of his forearms buzzed and he wanted to reach out, wanted to feel, yet it was like he was already feeling too much.

"I promise," he eventually said, soft and cautious, just like Magnus before. And it was the second secret, they would keep just between them.

Magnus nodded, then he leaned back, pulled the magic of the moment with him until it tore apart and they were back in their own realities, the sharp line of the table standing between them. Magnus cleared his throat and wiped invisible dust off his hands. His fingers ghosted over the wrist, that had been held by the handcuffs just a few minutes ago. Alec balled his own hand into a loose fist, his own wrist feeling oddly exposed. It's normal, he told himself. The skin had been covered almost the whole time, it was normal to feel this way. The pain in his chest begged to differ though.

"See you at dinner."

And then he left the room. Alec remained at the table, looking after Magnus, unsure of what to do or what to feel. His right hand lifted off the wood, a weak attempt of his heart to beat, the pain in his chest leaping before freezing into hollow ball and nothing else. There were some other kids around at the other tables in the main room. Alec could feel several pairs of eyes on him, it was a dull pressure on skin, a weight in his legs. His own gaze fell down at the table and his fingers were absent-mindedly knocking against the table top.

He was a child again, small and insecure and incredibly lonely.

-+-

Jace felt fidgety. He now even had enough space in the bed for moving constantly and without being pressed against the wall. He chewed on his lower lip, rolled his shoulders as good as that was possible in this position, his eyes glued to the ceiling. But then he took a deep breath and slowly moved his head to look at Alec, who was lying next to him on top of the blanket and without changing his clothes. Alec had barely said a thing during dinner. He had only stared down at his food and not even eaten that much. They had brushed their teeth in silence, and now they lay here in silence.

As he watched Alec's profile now, Jace thought, he could see 'stubbornness' and 'sadness' taking turns flying across his best friend's face. Something was wrong, and it always made Jace restless, when Alec chose to escape into his own head instead of yelling against a wall and throwing his emotions into the world. It meant, that Alec couldn't sort out whatever was wrong or off, he just felt it and suffered. Jace didn't like that.

"You want to talk about it?", he eventually whispered, even though it was more of a scream in their shared silence.

"Talk about what?" Alec didn't look away from the ceiling. Jace could see, how he clenched his jaw and was close to rolling his own eyes. But then he remembered, that this response was the most honest reaction Alec could give. If he couldn't work out, what was wrong, what was he supposed to talk about.

"You're suffering," Jace carefully moved forward, keeping a close look on Alec's reaction. There was a long time of nothing and then …

"Yes." Alec turned his head a bit to look at Jace out of the corner of his eye and Jace was glad, that he had managed to pull him back from that place far back in his head that easily.

When they'd first met, Alec had had almost played hide and seek with the world sometimes. He wouldn't look at anything in particular, wouldn't listen to anything, wouldn't talk about anything specific, he would withdraw, when the world became unbearable. He would function on a basic level, but he wouldn't care about or engage in anything. It would drive Jace insane because the parallel to his own futile attempts to make his father acknowledge him, when he'd been younger, was too strong. It always felt like his best friend was slipping away and a pale, yet much too real copy of his parents came forth, and that had scared Jace so much the first time it happened, he'd ended up slapping Alec as hard as he could. There had been quite the fight after that, which had found its final round in them just holding each other.

Jace had gotten better in handling his own reaction, reminding himself, that the person in front him was his best friend, needing his help and not his asshole father doing it on purpose. The second time, Jace had gone for a kiss to have the surprise still on his side, but without the pain for Alec. It had turned into one of the most awkward moments, they'd ever shared and they had agreed on never talking about that again.

"Where is the pain located?" Jace inquired, while he moved to lie on his stomach, pushing himself up on his elbows to be able to look down at Alec's face without Alec having to twist his neck.

Alec lifted his hands and stretched out his fingers. "Beneath the skin," he replied. "Inside of my chest and around the eyes."

"That sounds like a very sincere wound," Jace went on, and only a bit, a tiny bit, imitated a doctor from the last orphanage they'd been at together, mocking the guy's arrogant manner of speech. "Is there any indication to where you might have injured yourself throughout this rather bleak day?" It was a cautious attempt to tickle Alec's ears a bit, to coax a smile out of that expressionless face and there was a soft, little smile tugging at the corner of Alec's lips.

"No great tragedy has occurred today," Alec replied, also adapting that way of speaking Jace had started, and they shared a short laughter before Jace' eyes fell on Alec's now freely moving hands again. By shuffling a bit, he managed to reach out with one hand, grabbing Alec's wrist, which had been adorned with the handcuffs before. Alec's gaze wandered to Jace' fingers holding his wrist.

"Maybe not a tragedy on the surface, maybe not a tragedy at all, if you would have to judge the situation objectively," Jace whispered, raising a questioning eyebrow at Alec, who took a shuddering breath. He took his wrist again, closing his eyes and letting the idea wash over him - Jace knew that expression all too well. He put his own hand down again, patiently waiting for Alec to come back to him.

"Can't I decide myself if it's a tragedy or not?" Alec eventually said, with a spark of childish stubbornness.

Jace shrugged as good as possible, smiling at his friend. "Of course, you can. It's about your emotional state after all. I'm just saying, that if you go through the things, that happened today and look for a tragedy from an objective standpoint, tragedies like they have happened in our past, you might not find what's causing you pain right now."

"You're really annoying, when you're being all smart and stuff, you know that?", Alec growled, glaring up at Jace half-heartedly. In return Jace flashed him a brilliant grin, which would have earned him a pillow to the face, had the situation been different.

"But you still love me, right?" Alec rolled his eyes, his lips breaking into a smile, washing away the frown. Much calmer Jace continued:

"And you like him, right?"

Alec's eyes flew back to him again, big and round and burning with emotions. It was a reaction so strong, even Jace was surprised by it. After opening and closing his mouth like a fish on dry land a few times, Alec looked away again and awkwardly cleared his throat. He didn't deny it right of the bat though, which Jace took as a good sign.

"That makes - you know, surprisingly, that's - maybe, I'm not sure, but objectively speaking and -" He took a deep, audible breath before placing one hand in front of his mouth, his eyes still carrying the kind of after effects of a sudden realization. "This might actually be true," he stage-whispered. Jace nodded in the most supportive manner he could manage. He still half-expected Alec to run down Denial Lane, but oddly enough that didn't happen.

"Huh … interesting."

Jace kept on nodding until he suddenly had a realization himself. "Oh, that means, I can sing cheesy love songs to you and everybody else will be like super confused and-"

"Don't you dare!"

-+-

Magnus stared into the darkness of the bedroom. It is nice, he told himself. There is enough space, nobody talking randomly and a pillow just for myself, he reminded himself. He'd been doing that over the past two hours now and still he couldn't fall asleep for some probably goddamn stupid reason. He was also surprised at the sudden bursts of anger he had experienced over the past two hours.

It should have been easy. His pajama was comfortable, his blanket kept him warm, but not too warm. His pillow was fluffy. The room wasn't overheated. Again, nobody was randomly wondering about pigeons and he had been tired - he was tired. It was like sleep was mocking him and he didn't get why, which was always aggravating.

With a heavy sigh, Magnus turned to the other side, for what felt the umpteenth time this night. Everybody else was asleep. Why was it so easy for everybody to sleep? Why was only he having issues? Growling he pressed his eyes shut and curled his hands against his chest. His fingers brushing over his wrist … the wrist, that wasn't held by handcuffs anymore. Right. He wasn't even tied to somebody, who would drag his arm into the most uncomfortable positions during the night or end up lying on top of his arm somehow.

Magnus huffed against his pillow. It was soft and smelt fresh. He had made his bed before going to bed, had gotten a new blanket and a new pillowcase because he liked the feeling and it seemed appropriate after spending all the time upstairs. But it didn't have the desired effect.

"It smells different," he muttered to himself and his voice felt lost in the darkness. And of course it smelled different, it was fresh from the laundry room, but that wasn't what he only now realized. It smelled different from the pillow upstairs and while the blanket kept him warm, it wasn't the same as body heat. "You've got to be kidding me."

He had shared a bed for only a few weeks, it was maybe a month and … it had been longer, than he'd thought apparently. Magnus frowned and stopped in his attempt to count the nights or weeks he'd shared the bed with Alec with his fingers. But it couldn't possibly be, that he got that accustomed to another person sleeping next to him, right? He had shared beds before, and he never had had exceptional problems with falling asleep based on how the sleeping arrangements had been. Prove in point was the fact, that he had gotten any sleep at all since Jace' arrival. This officially sucked. But Magnus wouldn't give up that easily. No, he enjoyed having a bed to himself and no random questions keeping him either awake of waking him up in the middle of the night. This was a luxury and he was lucky to have it and okay, maybe he would have trouble for a few nights, but he would manage, he always did and-

In the middle of his angry, silent rant, Magnus' ears suddenly picked up the faint sound of distant - singing? He held his breath and listened very very closely until he recognized it as indeed signing. It was a very quiet, very off-key version of 'I will always love you', sung by a voice, that Magnus was now sure of, would haunt him even in his dreams. Jace. Magnus shook his head slightly in annoyance and pulled the blanket over his head. He would lecture Jace on that behavior the next morning, if he wouldn't get an earful from at least one advisor, that had been awoken by Jace' musical talent. Jocelyn slept upstairs, too, and-

A door was opened, angry steps, a hissing voice. "Poor Alec," Magnus mumbled as he curled up beneath the blanket, trying to fit his long body underneath it.

Sleep still avoided him for the next three hours.

**Author's Note:**

> I am @freakypumpkin on tumblr.


End file.
